As I approach my five year wedding anniversary, I'm thinking about what it means. I've decided to do a review of what God says about marriage and love.
When speaking of marriage, Jesus said,"What God has joined together, let not man separate" He goes on to say divorce was allowed because of the hardness of man's heart. So even thought Moses allowed divorce for Adultery or Abandonment, Jesus seems to be saying it is God who joins two people as husband and wife and we shouldn't break apart what God has joined for any reason. When you marry you make a vow before God. You promise God you will be with this person till you die.
That's a hard pill to swallow. So even those whose spouse has cheated on them should acknowledge that it is God who gave them their husband or wife. God chose that person for them. And God knew that person would cheat on you. But if our faith is in God, then we trust that God works all things out for good. How can the pain of a cheating spouse and the damage it does to a relationship be good? Well, if the lesson God wants you to learn is forgiveness, there is no greater challenge than forgiving and adulterous spouse. But it can be done.
Hopefully God never puts me or my wife in that position. But it helps to know whatever trials come into my marriage, it is God who chose this woman to be my wife and these trials to be my trials. And if I am to forgive even adultery, than certainly I am to forgive any lesser offense.
Just remember, there is a reason you vow to God. Because there comes a time in every marriage when the last person you want to be around is your spouse. Your vow is what keeps you together. Your vow is what carries you through.
"Love God, Love your neighbor" Your spouse IS your neighbor. Your closest neighbor. God says, if you love me, keep My commandments. Love is an action.
Paul lists the attribute of love
PATIENT: till death do us part. The whole of your human existence. Till you die. Patience is definitely needed. When you fight with a friend or someone you are dating you can always just go your own way. When you fight with your spouse, there is no where to go. Patience is a virtue much needed in marriage
KIND: If you love your spouse you shower them with kindness. When you are tired, when you are grumpy, when your patience is waning, when you you want to be angry.... you are to be Kind to your spouse
UNSELFISH: Marriage should be a give-give relationship. You give 100% and your spouse gives 100%. Not possible you say. I would agree, but that should be the goal. Give without the expectation of receiving. Be gracious in all you receive. When you let selfish expectations creep into marriage, your spouse is doomed to fail at meeting your selfish desires.
TRUTHFUL: many think it OK to lie as not to hurt your spouse. But if you love someone you are truthful. In marriage you learn the worst things about your spouse. You get to know the depths of their wretched ways. You learn things which others may never know about your spouse. That requires honesty. It requires vulnerability. It requires openness. There is no such thing as a small lie. And any lie has the potential to cause far greater damage than good.
HOPEFUL: Love is hopeful? I think this means that with Love comes blessings. It's not a wish (I hope I.... ), but it's assurance. Love gives you an assurance. It gives your spouse assurance.
ENDURES ALL THING: I'll refer back to the case of adultery. If you truly love your spouse you will endure their sin against God and forgive them. You will endure whatever it takes to move forward and heal. This is a daunting aspect of love. It helps to remember as King David declared," it is against you alone, Lord, that I have sinned." Whatever we do to our spouse, what we don't do is "sin against them". We may hurt them. We may make them feel rejected, unloved, ect. But when we sin it is against God alone that we sin. God chooses to forgive us our sin, our rejection of his law, his word, his command. If God whose ways are far above our ways can forgive his creation, we as his creation should be able to forgive each other, especially the person we have vow before God to Love.
NOT ENVIOUS: The grass is always greener on the other side. How easy is it to want what someone else has. To covet. It easy to look at your spouse and see something in them you want for your self. "Why do you get this, and I get that". "We need to be FAIR". To truly love your spouse, you are happy for the gifts God has given them. You share in their joy. "Misery loves company" is not a motto for marriage
NOT PROUD: The common phrase is "holier than thou". There is nothing wrong with acknowledging and appreciating the gifts God gives you. But you are not loving your spouse if you lord it over them or make them feel inferior.
NOT RUDE: this one is tricky. Rude can be subjective. "That's just the way I am" doesn't cut it. We already know what we consider rude, but what does your spouse consider rude. It most likely is not the same thing. I am learning this lesson the hard way.
NOT PROVOKED TO ANGER: Now there is such a thing as a righteous anger. Jesus overturned the tables in the temple in anger. But rarely do you find righteous anger in marriage. Usually anger in marriage is because we lack patience, we are rude, proud, envious, unkind, selfish, etc. I am know for pushing peoples buttons. I am often amazed at my wife's ability not to be provoked by me. Don't be easily provoked, but more importantly, don't provoke.
So, do you feel like you love your spouse OR are you loving your spouse with your actions. LOVE is an action. You may not FEEL love or in love, but you are commanded to Love. We are to Love our enemies. Sometimes your spouse feels like your enemy. LOVE THEM. Don't let your feelings get in the way of your LOVE. Love requires you to give UNCONDITIONALLY. It asks you give and expect nothing in return. It asks you to endure even when there is no hope of reprieve.
This is what you commit to when you marry. God has chosen for me a beautiful woman. She is not without flaws. Our differences certainly put me through the refining fire. I'm sure this stubborn Irishman has tested her as well. May God continue to bless us and mold us and help make us ONE.
