Rambling

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall

That sends the frozen ground swell under it

And spills the upper boulders in the sun

You could say elves

But it’s not elves exactly

I’m in the mood to write but don’t seem to have a focus.  It’s been so longs since I’ve just let my thoughts flow.  So much I could cover.  I’m in a new state, I’m a homeowner, my teenager is about to turn 16 and be able to drive on his own.  Life is ever changing.

I’ve been in a sort of limbo ever since I got here.  Still not sure why God has brought me here.  Nothing seems normal to me.  There is a loneliness to living in a new place.  I feel like an outsider.  Not that I can’t get along, but that I just don’t fit here. 

Every day I get by, and everyday seems like the last.  I moving forward but have no idea where I’m going. 

Work: Work is great, but at the same time I miss the familiar.  Spend six years in one place doing one job and you get comfortable.  I’m adapting and getting better at my new job, but it still doesn’t feel comfortable yet.  It’s like a new pair of shoes; it takes time to break it in.  I know eventually it will feel like a part of me, but I’ve been here over a year and still not broken in yet. 

A certain man jumped through hoops to bring me half way across the country because he believed in me.  Every day I question if I’m meeting his expectations.  Am I really as valuable as he thinks?  Am I accomplishing the tasks he put so much effort into bringing me here to accomplish?  I don’t know the answer to that question.  I just know I must succeed. 

Home: 198 days, 12 hours, 36 minutes and 30 seconds ago I became a homeowner for the first time.  

Yes I’m counting.  I always thought I’d be a homeowner much sooner.  It’s how I was raised.  But here I am, middle aged and just now buying my first home.  I’m thrilled and very happy with what God has blessed me with.  At the same time, there is so much I seem not to know.  And being a homeowner in Michigan has very different challenges than being a homeowner in California.  They have this thing called Winter here.  It’s quite the experience that you must prepare for.  For instance I spent a great deal of today learning about humidifier’s and why we need them when it’s cold and how to maintain them. 

Marriage: Moving has an impact on marriage.  Patty and I are having to learn how to live in our new world.  New home; new car; new church; new state; new neighbors; new home; new friends; new new new new new….  Much like the work experience, we don’t seem to fit in yet.  We will get by but I’ve found the feeling of displacement does take a toll on marriage.  When you are constantly existing outside of your comfort zone, there is no time to recharge.  And it is that lack of recharge, that lack of a comfortable escape, which leaves you less than fully prepared to be a good spouse. 

Wife: My wife is struggling but adapting.  She’s taken to driving and Monday school and found friends.  The big city girl is learning to be a small town woman.  And our new home definitely requires a full time person to just keep up with it.  The kids have a knack for being little tornados.  And most of the time she’s on her own.  I work long hours so she manages the house, the kids, and life all the day long mostly by herself. 

Kids: I’m beyond proud of my teenager.  He’s working , he bought his first vehicle and soon will have his permit to drive alone.  At the same time he’s become a recluse since moving here.  He’s not adapting well socially, but he’s stepped up his game on the responsibility front.  He’s moved great strides forward in one regard and taken steps back in another.  I guess it’s just part of growing up and adapting. 

My little ones are thriving.  Though they spent so many years limited in their outside experience, that the still don’t venture out as much as I’d like.  I mean they have 3.4 acres of world to explore, yet so far they are content to stay in the basement and maybe play in the driveway.  Granted the basement is bigger than the apartment me we lived in for 8 years, but still.  The two of them are linked at the hip.  Sometimes I wonder how long this sibling unity will last.  At some point I’m certain they will part ways but for now they are very much one. 

Me: How am I doing?  I’m one who has always sought out the company of others.  I just enjoy people.  Yet here I’m not finding much companionship.  My neighbor and I actually get along well.  He and his wife just had their second child. 

But when you’ve spent years developing friendships, you miss those friendships.  And that makes it lonely.  Not that I’m alone per se, but just don’t have the connections that I would like to close the interpersonal gaps.  But you have your wonderful wife, you say.  Very true.  I love my wife.  But I really am a social person.  I’m very accustomed to having alternative personal links. 

Yet I’m perfectly capable of moving forward each day.  Just getting done what needs to be done.  My family needs me to be a husband and a provider and that is what I am first and foremost.  Not very glamorous, but very necessary. 

Overall, I’m doing well.  My family is provided for.  We have a home.  We have food.  And we have each other.  God is good, I just need to be more appreciative of the blessing God has given me, rather than focusing on the changes that I’m still adjusting to.  God is blessing me beyond my imagination, while I cling to the past.  I need to embrace this.  Easy to say, but I’m still struggling to do it. 

And with that I’ll end this ramble.  And that’s really all this was.  Just letting my mind flow.  I should do this more.  It’s very therapeutic.  

The O'Brien Family own a home!

Growing up owning a home was always a goal for me.  It wasn’t an investment goal (as many consider it) but just a basic life expectation for me.  Not that I haven’t considered investment property, I have and still am considering it, but I’ve always believed you should own the place you live in.  Not in the ‘American Dream’ sense, but rather in the personal responsibility sense.  We humans tend to care more for things that we own.  It’s easy to be negligent or uncaring about someone else’s property. 

My grandfather did both.  He owned his home and 6 others, all bought in cash.  Even though he died when I was very young, the knowledge of his life story has always stuck with me.  An Irish Immigrant who came with little and worked hard, to make a good life for himself and his family. 

My dad always owned the home we lived in.  My mother never did (they were divorced).  I got to see the stark contrast between the life of a homeowner and the life of a renter.  By and large, the life of the homeowner was what I wanted. 

I’ve read much about homeownership over the years.  There is plenty of literature out there.  Not everyone thinks owning a home is a good idea.  Moreover, there are very good reasons to not own a home.  I’ll not dig into the argument for or against homeownership at this time

But if you are not in it for the ‘investment’ and truly just want a place to ‘call home’, I still believe it’s the right choice. 

So why did it take me 20 years after leaving my parents home to buy a home?  The short answer is economics.  However, that’s not the whole story.  From age 20-26 I was in the Navy.  A single grunt in the Navy really isn’t in the economic position to buy a home.  And even if I was in an economically sound position, what’s the point when I was moving or at sea a significant portion of my life?  From my limited viewpoint, the opportunity just wasn’t there in that environment.  In retrospect, I probably could have made it work.

I actually expected to buy a home shortly after leaving the Navy.  The housing market in 2003 was about the same as it had been in 1997 when I joined the Navy.  2003 was a year of transition. I figured I had plenty of time to get settled.  By 2004, the housing bubble had begun to grow and prices soared. I had missed the window.

My life turned to a business and then marriage.  The two quickly consumed any money I had.  The business failed and the marriage continued.  It took me a while to recover from the business.  All the while the housing market bubble continued to grow.  Even if I wasn’t recovering from my failed business venture, the market was far beyond my reach. 

The bubble burst in 2008 but somehow the LA housing market managed to retain a significant portion of its inflated value.  The notion of taking on at a minimum, $300k of debt for a shack of house just didn’t appeal to me.  A decent home in LA is still $500k+.  So we watched the clock tick and the years go by.  And resolved to accept that homeownership would not be possible as long as we stayed in California.  So, the question became, how to “Escape from LA”?  Kurt Russell wasn’t going to be much help this time. 

We looked at candidate locations.  Washington State, Colorado, Arizona, Virginia, Tennessee, even Utah.  I must say Michigan, wasn’t even on the list of possibility.  I had suffered through one great lakes winter in Boot Camp and had no desire to ever live this far north in the Midwest ever. 

But God has plans, and He crushed every opportunity that I thought was where I wanted to be.  He then opened up the opportunity, which brought me here and shoved me through the door. 

2 decades after moving out of my parent’s home, I now sit in my own den in my own home typing my thoughts on homeownership.  I’m amazed by the journey that has brought me here.  If someone had told me I’d buy my first home in Michigan of all places, I’d have never believed them.  Why on earth would I ever move to Michigan? 

Moreover, if someone had told me that my first home would be in a village with a population of less than 2000 people, never could I have fathomed that would be true.  I’m a big city guy married to a bigger city girl. 

You know that Depeche Mode song “Blasphemous Rumors”.  God truly does have a sense of humor.  But He also has a great plan, and His plan for me is to own a home in middle of now where Michigan, in a village that has fewer people than my high school.  I don’t know or understand why I’m here, or what God’s plan is for me here. 

What do I know?  I know I live in an amazing home, with beautiful land.  I know I paid less for it than a cheap condo would have cost me in Los Angeles.  I know that whatever God’s plan is, this is now home and it’s my home.  I know my children have a place that is theirs.  I know I could never have achieved my goal of homeownership, if I wasn’t willing to follow God to the most unlikely of places for me to go. 

I KNOW I’M HOME!

45 Days

8 hours

30 minutes

32 seconds

But who is counting?

Dr Seuss Land

It has been a long time since I’ve blogged.  Life just went crazy.  A year ago I was packing up to move for the first time in 8 years.  Upgrade to a rented house.  3 weeks to the day after we moved, I receive a phone call.  It is my plant manager, who just transferred to Michigan, asking me if I would follow him.  He needs my help. 

Keep in mind this side of America was suffering the worst winter it had seen in decades while sunny southern California was having one of the nicest winters I can recall.  Oh, and I HAD JUST MOVED AND SIGNED A 12 MONTH LEASE. 

So, I’ve been praying for the right opportunity to leave California for at least 7 years.  Every golden opportunity never seemed to pan out.  Therefore, I gave up.  I resolved to stay in Cali.  I am ready to settle down for a few more years to finish College and let my son finish High School and God lays this dream job right in my lap.  All I have to do is move to Michigan.  NO NO NO.  That was not what I prayed for.  Michigan?  Really? 

In the end, it was my father’s wisdom that helped me make the choice.  He simply explained that if I let this door close without stepping through it, there is no guarantee of when, if ever another door will open.  In other words, if you want to move up, take the opportunities afforded you no matter what. 

In June, I moved by myself to Kalamazoo, Mi.  As my wife said, you are moving me to a Dr Seuss book.  By the end of July, my family had followed.  It hasn’t been an easy transition.  Friends, family, church, comfort zone, all left behind. 

Last time I left California, I was young and single.  I’m finding it a much different adventure when you are married with three children.  I’ve always been a nomad so meeting people and starting over isn’t a big deal.  However, my wife and kids are not nomadic. 

I think the hardest thing has been finding a church home and missing friends.  Every day off becomes a challenge to figure out what one does in KZoo with a family of five. 

The winter, while mild by Michigan standards is brutally cold by California standards.  I’ve spent a small fortune clothing the five of us.  The other day I walked outside, it was 30 degrees and I thought, “This isn’t that bad”.  There is something very wrong with that picture.  30 DEGREES NOT THAT BAD. 

So we’ve become, not the nomadic family, but the hibernating family.  Looking forward to seeing what spring brings into our lives. 

On a brighter note for the first time ever I am seriously considering buying a home.  Growing up I always thought I’d be a homeowner.  I just didn’t think it would take me almost 40 years. 

That means we are going to be here a while.  Who would have thought I’d ever own a home in Michigan.  Certainly not me. 

Well, wish me luck, next week the house hunt begins.