My back
has been hurting a lot lately. Usually that means I'm stressed out.
It has been a long six months. God has sent one storm after
another.
Oh there
he goes, using the "G" word again. I know, I know, I shouldn't
believe in that invisible guy in the sky malarky. But I do, and this is
my blog so ha.
I learned
a lot in this time. I learned the challenges of single parenthood.
I learned the depth of friendship (once again). I learned time
management (again) as I juggled school, work, home, ext.
All of this
I know has been God's plan for me. God's providence, which is really what
is on my mind. See I believe every second of every minute of every day of
my life God has predestined and foreordained. I don't think a moment of
my life is an accident, or simply the result of a choice I made. NO, God
is in control, and whatsoever comes to pass is His plan. That means that the knots in my back and the
stress I’m feeling are exactly what God wants for me right now. Hmmm. Can't say I agree with Him... not my favorite state of being.
So, what
are the stresses that have been consuming my life lately? I guess I can take them one at a time.
Family
members getting arrested (sadly more than one).
Patty and I devoted a great deal of time and energy into helping
out. It’s quite the emotional, physical
and financial ordeal for a family. At
this point the storm has passed but the destruction left in its path was fierce
and will take years to rebuild.
School, oh
that dreaded thing called an education.
I have this crazy notion that it’s worth something, so I’m spending my FREE TIME trying to get a degree. The
challenge being that I have to live the rest of my life as well. Time is a finite thing, and it can never be
recovered. “Time is marching on… and
time… is still marching on…” But there
is good news. I should finish my last
class for my Associates of Science in Technology with a focus on
Electro~mechanics by mid April. After
that, I may have to celebrate, or at least have a good stiff drink. I have this nice bottle of 21-year-old Scotch
that might be right for the occasion.
The
Holidays. Why do the holidays always
seem stressful? Thanksgiving is for
thanking God, but it seems we always forget and instead just gorge ourselves. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of
our Lord, but we tend to forget him and focus on obligatory gift giving and
this jolly old fat guy. Maybe the
holidays are stressful because, like everything else, we are trying to remove
God from the picture. Nevertheless, this
years holidays were no exception to the stress rule.
Boy
Scouts! I am very proud of my son and
his friends. They may be a lazy bunch of
teenagers, but they are trying to press forward to Eagle Scout. I’m not sure they are going to make it, but I
applaud the effort. Moreover, I am doing
everything I can to support them, including being the Assistant Scout Master,
with all of my free time. I never made
Eagle myself. Lord willing they will
succeed where I failed. We’ve spent the
better part of last month trying to raise money for this summers scout camp. It’s been a mark of pride to see my son going
out on his own to try to make this happen.
He’s still a lazy teenager though.
Speaking of
the lazy teenager, we are going through the adoption process. Now truth be told, so far it has been an
amazing smooth process for us. An old
friend of mine just happens to practice family law and she’s working pro~bono
on our case. I’ve had to pay filing
fees, and court cost, but she hasn’t asked me for a dime. I’m grateful God has blessed me with friends
like this. We had our day in court
recently and I was nervous because the judge looked like a grumpy Judge Judy
and had the attitude to boot. She
grilled our lawyer on the methods she had used to serve paperwork 3000 miles
away as if we hadn’t given it our best effort.
I actually thought she was going to rule against us until she started
asking my son questions. He couldn’t
answer a single question she asked about his birth father, because truthfully
he doesn’t know and they never talk. She
ruled in our favor, eventually and we are now in a holding pattern while the
court gives father of the year a chance to appeal. “Time…
is marching on… and time… is still marching on”.
Getting
back to school, we homeschool and I’ve been teaching reading to my two younger
kids. However, with all the turmoil
these past six months, it’s been hit and miss at best. Not good.
Their education should be impacted because of my problems. Right now it is. “Time… is marching on… and time… is still
marching on”.
And lets
not forget about that teenager. He’s
determined that his God is technology and he’ll cling to it at all cost. Not going to go into details, but his choices
have made it clear what is most important to him. So, we’ve been dealing with the rebellious
teen which is always fun. I love the
kid, but I’d like to throw him through the wall sometimes. How do you teach a teenager about priorities
and responsibility? How do you ensure he gets it before he's no longer a teenager? Someone recently told me a baseball bat wrapped in a towel leaves no bruises. hmmmm. "Rule of thumb... can't do much damage with that.. maybe it should be a Rule of Wrist.."
I can see your eyes bulging out of your head in disbelief. Did he just say that? No, I'm not going to assault my son with a baseball bat, nor will I throw him through a wall (it might hurt the wall), but a good tongue lashing might be in order. You people are so serious. Lighten up.
This is
getting long. Well of course it is. I told you I’ve been stressed out.
The next layer of stress involved a
termination of lease. Now we were
planning to move this year, but not yet.
We still had some financial issues to resolve first. But alas, God pushed and we moved..
quickly. 14 days from notice to
moving. Rent almost doubled, had to buy
a washer and dryer. And of course as we
are moving in, my good friend who is helping me looks at me and asks, “Sean,
where are you planning on putting your fridge?”
Seemed an odd question. Where do
you think? Right there in the spot that is made for the fridge, that is way
shorter than I realized… hmmm. Uhh…
hmmm.. uhh.. in the garage.
Thus began
the great fridge hunt of 2014. The space
for the fridge is exactly 67-1/4” tall. Almost
every fridge I found was at least 67-1/2” tall.
After visiting many stores and searching online for hours I finally
found a fridge that was 66-3/4” tall.
But when I went to sears, their specs said 67-1/2” tall, as did Lowes
and every other place I tried. And of
course NOBODY had this model on the floor.
I call
Maytag and they assure me the engineering specs of the fridge are 66-3/4”
tall. Don’t ask me why all the stores
have a different spec than the manufacturer.
I DON’T KNOW.
Sears says
they can special order it with a lead-time of…
60 days. Lowes… 30 days. On a whim, we end up at Howards. They offer the same fridge, cheaper and
delivered in 10 business days. That was
20 days ago. I still don’t have a fridge
and I’m still uncertain it will fit. Why
you ask? Well the fridge was order,
shipped and delivered as scheduled.
However, they damaged it in shipping, so they had to send it back and
reorder it.
Did I
mention all these nice new appliances I had to buy on credit because I spent
every dime I had moving? On a brighter
note our tax return came in, which helped.. a little.
Just as all
the dust is settling from all of this, God throws another curveball. Now I’m not going to divulge this particular
curveball, because I’m still in the middle of it and the outcome is far from
certain. But it’s a doozy that I didn’t
see coming.
Stress… why
am I stressed? Because God thinks I’m a
lot stronger and more resilient than I think I am. The reason I’m not having a nervous break
down is because I do believe in God’s providential control of everything. I know this is His plan for me and He has a
plan to get me through this. I wish He’d
let me in on the secret.
It’s like
riding Colossus backwards; you know there are going to be bumps and turns and
drops and rises, but you can’t see them and they are quite jarring when they
actually occur. You also know that the
path is defined and you will reach the end.
Some would
look at this and claim God has a wicked sense of humor, and I’ll admit the
“Blasphemous Rumors” song has zipped through my brain on more than one occasion. He certainly seems to be taking me the exact
opposite of the direction I planned, which tends to be His way in my life. “Best laid plans of mice and men.” But it’s not a wicked sense of humor, but
rather a passionate love. He knows
exactly what I need, when I need it and has determined how He will ensure I get
it, whether I like it or not.
He’s just
dragging my stubborn Irish ass kicking and screaming all the way. So praise God for the calamity that I call
life, for the stress and the heartache and the chaos, that seems so beyond my
control, all while remaining completely within His control.
Ce la vie!
