My life has always been full of unique experiences. I’ve often said, in all sincerity, that if
you documented my life and that of my family, it would be better than any soap
opera. I feel blessed to have seen the
many sides of life good and bad. It’s
given me a greater appreciation for the simple side of life that I now
enjoy.
But recently I’ve experience the most surreal event in my
already bizarre life. I had the privilege
of attending ‘Decedents of Inez Claire Walker Family Union’. It’s not a reunion, as many of us were
meeting for the first time. Simply a
Union of brothers, sisters and cousins who never knew each other existed.
I can’t say much about my grandmother, other than to say
she had many children who never knew each other. You dear reader can take that to mean
whatever you want.
My father grew up knowing he had been adopted. At some point he learned that he had an older
brother also given up for adoption. No
one who was actually there would share the true story so through the years we
have pieced together the puzzle, making many errors along the way.
A decade ago he finally found his older brother. I met uncle Bill only once since then, but I’ve
had the honor of growing close to his daughter, my cousin Natalia. We connected instantly and it’s been as if we’ve
always known each other ever since.
We had solved the puzzle and moved on with life at that
point. I don’t think anyone expected to
ever learn anything more about Grandma Inez and her life.
My wife is Puerto Rican.
Being that the Caribbean has been conquered by many different people she
was curious about her own heritage. She’s
been bugging me for many moons to take the DNA test with her so she could learn
more about her ancestors. Earlier this
year she finally talked me into doing so for our Anniversary.
While her results were interesting and enlightening my
results were down right shocking.
Apparently I’m 48% Scandinavian.
Scandinavian? What? Did I miss something
here? Now much of that can be attributed
to my Mormon roots from my mother.
Apparently there was a mass migration into the Mormon church by
Scandinavians. Only 26% Irish, not quite
the Celtic foundation one expects with a name like O’Brien. Irish nonetheless.
But the true shock came when a ‘second cousin’ identified
by the DNA contacted me. She told me her
mother was adopted (hmmm) and had been looking for family her whole life. We started conversing and digging into the
mystery of DNA. We soon determined with
certainty that her mother was my dad’s little sister. A sister he never knew he had. Suddenly I had an Aunt and 4 Cousins that I hadn’t
had just days earlier.
At first there was denial. All evidence to the contrary, I was just not
accepting of the facts that were before me.
But the puzzle pieces kept falling into place revealing one layer after
another. So now what? Not really a conversation I wanted to have
over the phone with my father. “Hey Dad,
it’s been a while. Oh by the way, I
think I’ve found your sister that you never knew you had. How’s it going?”
So I called my sister.
We talked for a bit and she agreed since she lives 5 minutes from Dad to
share the news. He took it well. Maybe he always suspected he might have more siblings. I don’t know.
Ironically his wife had bought him a DNA test months earlier that he’d
been sitting on. So he took it
finally.
While waiting for his results another sister was
found. Younger than the others. Another distant cousin I found had mapped out
the whole tree of Grandma Inez. And DNA
brought forth the next sister.
Me being me, I inquired of the lady if she knew anything
about Grandma Inez and why. She didn’t
take it well and really decided quickly that she didn’t like me.
About that time
Dad’s DNA results came through confirming beyond all doubt that he has two
sisters. So now what?
Well, my newly found, very ambitious cousin decided we
ALL needed to get together. And in short
order had us all booked for the first ever “Decedents of Inez Walker Family
Union”.
We all came together with life stories. It seems that all of us have lived
challenging lives. But we all also
brought with us pieces of the puzzle. At
first there was caution. We were all
strangers with only our DNA as a connection.
But very quickly the walls of caution came down and we found ourselves
actively sharing the mystery that is our lives.
We came with different parents, different stories, different
faiths, different biases, different understanding of the truth, yet none of
that seemed to matter as we united as ONE family.
There was much laughter, joy, and sorrow. Some deep wounds were opened and covered with
the comfort found by unconditional acceptance and love. It was bonding at an incredibly rapid rate. One of the surprised to come out of the
weekend is the knowledge that there are two more siblings.
I won’t say there aren’t still wounds that need
healing. But I know we can do that
together.
I’ll not be sharing the history of our lives here, for
that is not my story to tell. But I will
say the children and grandchildren of Inez Claire Walker were a family for the
first time ever that weekend and it was a wonderful, joyous and very SURREAL
event.
I don’t know what the future holds for any of us. I’m certain that all of our lives are forever
changed. I pray that we don’t let the
momentum of this amazing Union fade, but rather use this as a springboard to
pursuing deeper relationships with our newfound family. It’s so easy to get distracted by life.
So to the siblings, Bill, Pat (Dad), Karen and Linda: I’m
so excited that you have all discovered each other, even if it took 6+
decades. I’m very happy to have an Uncle
and two Aunts. To the cousins, Shannon,
Sam, Jason, Natalia, Kathryn, and Sean (that would be me), and Katie: let’s not
worry about the lives we lived before we knew each other, but rather find ways
to pursue relationships with each other so that we can celebrate the lives we
have with each other now.
And to my little brother who couldn’t make it, I hope you
get to meet our family someday. They are
a special group of people that I’m blessed to finally know.
I started this diatribe talking about the crazy life I’ve
lived. I thought I had reached a point
in life where I was past all the surprising moments. But alas the most SURREAL event of all just
happened and I can say the Union Of the Decedents of Inez Walker was one of the
best weekends of my life. So here is to
my grandmother whose very mysterious life has impacted her decedents profoundly. I’m glad we finally found each other. We may never know the whole truth of your
life, but we are all now family, and for that I thank you.
