None Would Be Hired!

So Milestone 4 in my short list of truly significant events this year is quickly approaching.  And as I reflect on what brought about this milestone, I have a few thoughts (surprise.. surprise).

I’ve always know my self-esteem needs work.  I don’t wake up, look in the mirror and see a great man with great abilities.  I tend to see my failures.  But I’m blessed to know quite a few who see me in a much brighter light than I see myself.  It is in their eyes that I see a different me.  A better me.  Someone whom others turn to and count on. 

I will speak of these because I’m beginning to see a side of me that I usually deny exists.  It is because of them that my eyes are being opened and the veil of self-deprecation that usually shrouds my view of myself is slowly being torn. 

My Plant Manager of four years has relocated to Michigan.  He has spent the last 4 months bending heaven and earth to ensure that I follow him to Michigan.  I can’t say all he has done, but I know that the efforts required by him to ensure I follow him are far beyond anything I could have expected.  I would truly be a blind man if I didn’t recognized that he sees great potential in me and has much faith in my ability to positively impact the facility he is in charge of.  Oh, so in case you didn't guess, Milestone 4 is I'm moving to Michigan.

My past Manager who is also in the mid-West recently congratulated me on my new position stating that when she first came to the Michigan plant, one of her first thoughts was, “they need a Sean here”.  She is an amazingly talented manager and I’m honored to know she thinks me so capable and talented.  She is convinced that I am the man for the job.

My most self-revealing encounter as a result of my new job comes from my Engineering Manager of 6 years.  We are actively seeking to fill my position.  2 of 3 internal candidates bowed out leaving only one.  He insisted we have at least two candidates before making a decision for comparison.  I asked why he just doesn’t use me for comparison.  His answer was, “If you are the bar, none of the three would be hired.” 

These are all people whom I admire and have a deep respect for.  Their insight and opinions have helped me throughout the years.  So to have their insight directed towards me and my abilities and to hear their endless praise and confidence leaves me wondering what I’m not seeing when I look in the mirror. 

While I can’t answer that question, I do accept the image of me they reflect.  I move forward knowing that if they think I can, than I most likely can (no matter my personal self-image).  One positive I have learned about myself is that when I accept challenges I don’t think I’m capable of, I somehow find a way to succeed.  This new job is no exception.  I see where the bar is set and have no idea how I’m going to meet it, but my PM believes I can do it and so I shall move forward.  Can I actually do it?  Only time will tell, but if history can forecast, than yes, I will succeed. 

How?  I have no idea?  I’m thankful to have people who see in me the skills, and talent I rarely see in myself.  I’m grateful they challenge me to reach heights I could never see myself reaching with full confidence in my ability.  I pray God continues to place people in my life that will push me to greater heights than I could ever dream myself capable. 

Did you ever get to ride Colossus in reverse?

My back has been hurting a lot lately.  Usually that means I'm stressed out.  It has been a long six months.  God has sent one storm after another.  

Oh there he goes, using the "G" word again.  I know, I know, I shouldn't believe in that invisible guy in the sky malarky.  But I do, and this is my blog so ha.

I learned a lot in this time.  I learned the challenges of single parenthood.  I learned the depth of friendship (once again).  I learned time management (again) as I juggled school, work, home, ext.  

All of this I know has been God's plan for me.  God's providence, which is really what is on my mind.  See I believe every second of every minute of every day of my life God has predestined and foreordained.  I don't think a moment of my life is an accident, or simply the result of a choice I made.  NO, God is in control, and whatsoever comes to pass is His plan.  That means that the knots in my back and the stress I’m feeling are exactly what God wants for me right now.  Hmmm. Can't say I agree with Him... not my favorite state of being.

So, what are the stresses that have been consuming my life lately?  I guess I can take them one at a time.

Family members getting arrested (sadly more than one).  Patty and I devoted a great deal of time and energy into helping out.  It’s quite the emotional, physical and financial ordeal for a family.  At this point the storm has passed but the destruction left in its path was fierce and will take years to rebuild. 

School, oh that dreaded thing called an education.  I have this crazy notion that it’s worth something, so I’m spending my FREE TIME trying to get a degree.  The challenge being that I have to live the rest of my life as well.  Time is a finite thing, and it can never be recovered.  “Time is marching on… and time… is still marching on…”  But there is good news.  I should finish my last class for my Associates of Science in Technology with a focus on Electro~mechanics by mid April.  After that, I may have to celebrate, or at least have a good stiff drink.  I have this nice bottle of 21-year-old Scotch that might be right for the occasion. 

The Holidays.  Why do the holidays always seem stressful?  Thanksgiving is for thanking God, but it seems we always forget and instead just gorge ourselves.  Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord, but we tend to forget him and focus on obligatory gift giving and this jolly old fat guy.  Maybe the holidays are stressful because, like everything else, we are trying to remove God from the picture.  Nevertheless, this years holidays were no exception to the stress rule.  

Boy Scouts!  I am very proud of my son and his friends.  They may be a lazy bunch of teenagers, but they are trying to press forward to Eagle Scout.  I’m not sure they are going to make it, but I applaud the effort.  Moreover, I am doing everything I can to support them, including being the Assistant Scout Master, with all of my free time.  I never made Eagle myself.  Lord willing they will succeed where I failed.  We’ve spent the better part of last month trying to raise money for this summers scout camp.  It’s been a mark of pride to see my son going out on his own to try to make this happen.  He’s still a lazy teenager though. 

Speaking of the lazy teenager, we are going through the adoption process.  Now truth be told, so far it has been an amazing smooth process for us.  An old friend of mine just happens to practice family law and she’s working pro~bono on our case.  I’ve had to pay filing fees, and court cost, but she hasn’t asked me for a dime.  I’m grateful God has blessed me with friends like this.  We had our day in court recently and I was nervous because the judge looked like a grumpy Judge Judy and had the attitude to boot.  She grilled our lawyer on the methods she had used to serve paperwork 3000 miles away as if we hadn’t given it our best effort.  I actually thought she was going to rule against us until she started asking my son questions.  He couldn’t answer a single question she asked about his birth father, because truthfully he doesn’t know and they never talk.  She ruled in our favor, eventually and we are now in a holding pattern while the court gives father of the year a chance to appeal.  “Time…  is marching on… and time… is still marching on”. 

Getting back to school, we homeschool and I’ve been teaching reading to my two younger kids.  However, with all the turmoil these past six months, it’s been hit and miss at best.  Not good.  Their education should be impacted because of my problems.  Right now it is.  “Time… is marching on… and time… is still marching on”.

And lets not forget about that teenager.  He’s determined that his God is technology and he’ll cling to it at all cost.  Not going to go into details, but his choices have made it clear what is most important to him.  So, we’ve been dealing with the rebellious teen which is always fun.  I love the kid, but I’d like to throw him through the wall sometimes.  How do you teach a teenager about priorities and responsibility? How do you ensure he gets it before he's no longer a teenager?  Someone recently told me a baseball bat wrapped in a towel leaves no bruises. hmmmm.  "Rule of thumb... can't do much damage with that.. maybe it should be a Rule of Wrist.." 

I can see your eyes bulging out of your head in disbelief.  Did he just say that?  No, I'm not going to assault my son with a baseball bat, nor will I throw him through a wall (it might hurt the wall), but a good tongue lashing might be in order.  You people are so serious.  Lighten up. 

This is getting long.  Well of course it is.  I told you I’ve been stressed out.  

The next layer of stress involved a termination of lease.  Now we were planning to move this year, but not yet.  We still had some financial issues to resolve first.  But alas, God pushed and we moved.. quickly.  14 days from notice to moving.  Rent almost doubled, had to buy a washer and dryer.  And of course as we are moving in, my good friend who is helping me looks at me and asks, “Sean, where are you planning on putting your fridge?”  Seemed an odd question.  Where do you think? Right there in the spot that is made for the fridge, that is way shorter than I realized… hmmm.  Uhh… hmmm..  uhh.. in the garage. 

Thus began the great fridge hunt of 2014.  The space for the fridge is exactly 67-1/4” tall.  Almost every fridge I found was at least 67-1/2” tall.  After visiting many stores and searching online for hours I finally found a fridge that was 66-3/4” tall.  But when I went to sears, their specs said 67-1/2” tall, as did Lowes and every other place I tried.  And of course NOBODY had this model on the floor. 

I call Maytag and they assure me the engineering specs of the fridge are 66-3/4” tall.  Don’t ask me why all the stores have a different spec than the manufacturer.  I DON’T KNOW. 

Sears says they can special order it with a lead-time of…  60 days.  Lowes… 30 days.  On a whim, we end up at Howards.  They offer the same fridge, cheaper and delivered in 10 business days.  That was 20 days ago.  I still don’t have a fridge and I’m still uncertain it will fit.  Why you ask?  Well the fridge was order, shipped and delivered as scheduled.  However, they damaged it in shipping, so they had to send it back and reorder it. 

Did I mention all these nice new appliances I had to buy on credit because I spent every dime I had moving?  On a brighter note our tax return came in, which helped.. a little.

Just as all the dust is settling from all of this, God throws another curveball.  Now I’m not going to divulge this particular curveball, because I’m still in the middle of it and the outcome is far from certain.  But it’s a doozy that I didn’t see coming. 

Stress… why am I stressed?  Because God thinks I’m a lot stronger and more resilient than I think I am.  The reason I’m not having a nervous break down is because I do believe in God’s providential control of everything.  I know this is His plan for me and He has a plan to get me through this.  I wish He’d let me in on the secret. 

It’s like riding Colossus backwards; you know there are going to be bumps and turns and drops and rises, but you can’t see them and they are quite jarring when they actually occur.  You also know that the path is defined and you will reach the end. 

Some would look at this and claim God has a wicked sense of humor, and I’ll admit the “Blasphemous Rumors” song has zipped through my brain on more than one occasion.  He certainly seems to be taking me the exact opposite of the direction I planned, which tends to be His way in my life.  “Best laid plans of mice and men.”  But it’s not a wicked sense of humor, but rather a passionate love.  He knows exactly what I need, when I need it and has determined how He will ensure I get it, whether I like it or not. 

He’s just dragging my stubborn Irish ass kicking and screaming all the way.  So praise God for the calamity that I call life, for the stress and the heartache and the chaos, that seems so beyond my control, all while remaining completely within His control. 

Ce la vie!