https://tinyurl.com/new-calvinism
i was reading this article and while some of the names he brought forward I was at a least familiar with, I realized that I couldn’t tell you much about any of them or what they taught or what they believed.
But the way he describes them, it seems that tying oneself to one or many of these theological ‘giants’ is a process many go through. And I read through it trying to relate.
I started thinking about my own journey. My path of digging into to God’s Word and wrestling with God started when I was 15 or 16 and LDS. My desire to understand God’s Word through the lens of the LDS religion I was raised it ultimately led me out of Mormonism. There was no reconciling the two.
In the early years of my transition into Christianity from Mormonism, it was either me and my friends engaged in spirited discussion or I was alone in darkness with God’s Word. I did try reading some Christian literature.
Was invited to a Dave Hunt lecture and ended up purchasing and reading through some of his books. I heard Bahnsen’s Great Debate but never read or heard any of his other teaching until much later. After many years and many failed attempts at finding a church that reflected God’s Word, I ended up at a non-denominational church where I was introduced to the Left Behind series and the associated theology. I ran across Augustine and tried reading City of God which was just unreadable to me, so I never got far in it. I did finish Confessions which was more about his experience as an unbeliever turned Christian (very relatable).
But for me I never found that online source, preacher or author who grabbed me. So I can’t relate to the experiences described in the article. I clung to the one source of truth I had found and come to trust, which is the Bible.
10/11 years after I began my journey of wrestling with God in his word, I finally stumbled into a Reformed Church. To me it was just another church that I was going to sit in picking apart the sermons that had very little to do with God’s Word and more to do with keeping people in the seats. Because that was my Christian experience so far. This church passed out the sermon notes ahead of time so you could literally read along as the pastor preached from the same notes. TITHING was the sermon this particular day. I was cringing before I ever sat down. I was prepared to hear another guilt manipulation expose. What I heard was a Biblical argument from Scripture for tithing. And it shocked me. Not that there was a Biblical argument for tithing, but that I had just experience a preacher actually preaching from the Bible exegetically (a word I had never heard before, but a concept I’d been searching for).
2 years later I did join that church. The pastor asked me why it took 2 years for me to join the church. “I had to be sure that this was a church where the Bible was paramount”. I spent a total of 11 years in the church, never waving in my analysis and measurement of God Word vs preached words. I wrestled with Pastor Paul’s teaching, his mentorship and his counsel. I guess I would say I found in him the ‘father figure’ mentioned in the article. But he had to earn my trust over and over and over again. He had to show me from God’s Word over and over and over again. I’m grateful God gave me such a man as a friend, pastor and mentor. Something I wasn’t seeking and didn’t know I needed.
This article reminded of Paul’s warning about putting the teacher before the gospel. It reminds me that even though I do have 1 pastor whose theological perspective I know I very closely align with (proven through the 23 years of engagement) even there I can’t just say, “thus says Pastor Paul”.
Even today, if I can’t wrestle with you face to face, I’m probably not going to try to learn from you. If I can’t ask you directly, “why do you believe that” or “explain why you said x” I’m just not interested. Because I can go to God’s Word myself and learn about man and God. Because quite frankly, the trauma of my religious worldview shattered has never left me, and I will always trust God’s Word but rarely if ever trust man’s explanation of God’s Word. My most intense times of study are Sunday morning during the sermon preached. I’m in a constant dive from preached word heard back into God’s Word. I’m still trying to prove the preacher wrong (which was my modus operandi for many years). I never really gave it up. I just found preachers who made the task much harder by actually preaching Biblical exegesis.
I’m blessed to have become very good friends with three pastors in my life, my current pastor being one of them. I don’t always agree with them, but I greatly appreciate when they drive me back into God’s Word. When like Christ they say, “have you not read?”
I appreciate the perspective reading an article like this brings to me. It reminds me that I have to have grace because I don’t know the journey God has taken anyone on. It is far more likely to be reflected in this article than in my journey. Be careful when you lift anyone up on a pedestal. Never forget they are also fallible sinners in need of a savior.
As Reagan is know for saying “trust but verify” and our standard for verification is God’s Word alone.
