THE FAMILY UNION

My life has always been full of unique experiences.  I’ve often said, in all sincerity, that if you documented my life and that of my family, it would be better than any soap opera.  I feel blessed to have seen the many sides of life good and bad.  It’s given me a greater appreciation for the simple side of life that I now enjoy. 

But recently I’ve experience the most surreal event in my already bizarre life.  I had the privilege of attending ‘Decedents of Inez Claire Walker Family Union’.  It’s not a reunion, as many of us were meeting for the first time.  Simply a Union of brothers, sisters and cousins who never knew each other existed. 

I can’t say much about my grandmother, other than to say she had many children who never knew each other.  You dear reader can take that to mean whatever you want. 

My father grew up knowing he had been adopted.  At some point he learned that he had an older brother also given up for adoption.  No one who was actually there would share the true story so through the years we have pieced together the puzzle, making many errors along the way. 

A decade ago he finally found his older brother.  I met uncle Bill only once since then, but I’ve had the honor of growing close to his daughter, my cousin Natalia.  We connected instantly and it’s been as if we’ve always known each other ever since. 

We had solved the puzzle and moved on with life at that point.  I don’t think anyone expected to ever learn anything more about Grandma Inez and her life. 

My wife is Puerto Rican.  Being that the Caribbean has been conquered by many different people she was curious about her own heritage.  She’s been bugging me for many moons to take the DNA test with her so she could learn more about her ancestors.  Earlier this year she finally talked me into doing so for our Anniversary. 

While her results were interesting and enlightening my results were down right shocking.  Apparently I’m 48% Scandinavian.  Scandinavian?  What? Did I miss something here?  Now much of that can be attributed to my Mormon roots from my mother.  Apparently there was a mass migration into the Mormon church by Scandinavians.  Only 26% Irish, not quite the Celtic foundation one expects with a name like O’Brien.  Irish nonetheless. 

But the true shock came when a ‘second cousin’ identified by the DNA contacted me.  She told me her mother was adopted (hmmm) and had been looking for family her whole life.  We started conversing and digging into the mystery of DNA.  We soon determined with certainty that her mother was my dad’s little sister.  A sister he never knew he had.  Suddenly I had an Aunt and 4 Cousins that I hadn’t had just days earlier. 

At first there was denial.  All evidence to the contrary, I was just not accepting of the facts that were before me.  But the puzzle pieces kept falling into place revealing one layer after another.  So now what?  Not really a conversation I wanted to have over the phone with my father.  “Hey Dad, it’s been a while.  Oh by the way, I think I’ve found your sister that you never knew you had. How’s it going?” 

So I called my sister.  We talked for a bit and she agreed since she lives 5 minutes from Dad to share the news.  He took it well.  Maybe he always suspected he might have more siblings.  I don’t know.  Ironically his wife had bought him a DNA test months earlier that he’d been sitting on.  So he took it finally. 

While waiting for his results another sister was found.  Younger than the others.  Another distant cousin I found had mapped out the whole tree of Grandma Inez.  And DNA brought forth the next sister. 

Me being me, I inquired of the lady if she knew anything about Grandma Inez and why.  She didn’t take it well and really decided quickly that she didn’t like me. 

 About that time Dad’s DNA results came through confirming beyond all doubt that he has two sisters.  So now what? 

Well, my newly found, very ambitious cousin decided we ALL needed to get together.  And in short order had us all booked for the first ever “Decedents of Inez Walker Family Union”. 

We all came together with life stories.  It seems that all of us have lived challenging lives.  But we all also brought with us pieces of the puzzle.  At first there was caution.  We were all strangers with only our DNA as a connection.  But very quickly the walls of caution came down and we found ourselves actively sharing the mystery that is our lives. 

We came with different parents, different stories, different faiths, different biases, different understanding of the truth, yet none of that seemed to matter as we united as ONE family. 

There was much laughter, joy, and sorrow.  Some deep wounds were opened and covered with the comfort found by unconditional acceptance and love.  It was bonding at an incredibly rapid rate.  One of the surprised to come out of the weekend is the knowledge that there are two more siblings.    

I won’t say there aren’t still wounds that need healing.  But I know we can do that together. 

I’ll not be sharing the history of our lives here, for that is not my story to tell.  But I will say the children and grandchildren of Inez Claire Walker were a family for the first time ever that weekend and it was a wonderful, joyous and very SURREAL event. 

I don’t know what the future holds for any of us.  I’m certain that all of our lives are forever changed.  I pray that we don’t let the momentum of this amazing Union fade, but rather use this as a springboard to pursuing deeper relationships with our newfound family.  It’s so easy to get distracted by life.      

So to the siblings, Bill, Pat (Dad), Karen and Linda: I’m so excited that you have all discovered each other, even if it took 6+ decades.  I’m very happy to have an Uncle and two Aunts.  To the cousins, Shannon, Sam, Jason, Natalia, Kathryn, and Sean (that would be me), and Katie: let’s not worry about the lives we lived before we knew each other, but rather find ways to pursue relationships with each other so that we can celebrate the lives we have with each other now. 

And to my little brother who couldn’t make it, I hope you get to meet our family someday.  They are a special group of people that I’m blessed to finally know. 

I started this diatribe talking about the crazy life I’ve lived.  I thought I had reached a point in life where I was past all the surprising moments.  But alas the most SURREAL event of all just happened and I can say the Union Of the Decedents of Inez Walker was one of the best weekends of my life.  So here is to my grandmother whose very mysterious life has impacted her decedents profoundly.  I’m glad we finally found each other.  We may never know the whole truth of your life, but we are all now family, and for that I thank you.  

He can sing now!

“Today you will be with me in Paradise”  Those are the words Jesus spoke to the thief on the cross next to him.  Tuesday Duane Vedders was taken home to paradise.  I’ve been thinking all week about what I could say about him. 

I had a whole slew of thoughts.  But today as we gathered to celebrate his life, only one phrase seemed worthy.  He was a man of God. 

I didn’t know him as a pastor or as a mentor or father or leader.  He was my friend, and I’m grateful that God blessed me with the honor of calling him friend. 

If you knew Duane then I don’t have to tell you about him.  I pray that my life is half as fulfilling and touches a fraction of the lives that Duane touched. 

There was a passage Duane wanted preached as his eulogy. I’ll share it here and nothing more. 

“Oh, that my words were written!
Oh, that they were inscribed in a book!
²⁴ That they were engraved on a rock
With an iron pen and lead, forever!
²⁵ For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
²⁶ And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,
²⁷ Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!"

You've been Trump'ed

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trump-voters-will-not-like-what-happens-next/2016/11/09/e346ffc2-a67f-11e6-8fc0-7be8f848c492_story.html


Articles like this demonstrate that not only do they not get it, but they are not even trying to get it. And insinuating that Trump was elected by a bunch of uneducated buffoons, is patently untrue and insulting to the middle class who looked at their life under the establishment and en mass voted against the establishment.


They voted for the non-establishment. They voted for change that the electorate on both sides has been seeking for a very long time. Obama ran on Change 8 years ago and won. Though all he did was deepen government control of our lives. No real change was forthcoming.


Now Trump ran on change and won as well. Will America actually get change this time? Who knows. What I do know is that Americans loudly and clearly voted against
-democrats
-republicans
-pollsters
-biased media
-the 'establishment'


They voted for a candidate who fits nowhere on the 3x5 card of approved and allowable political opinion. The Republicans tried to stop him. The media tried to stop him. Democrats tried to stop him. He shredded their cards of political pandering and political correctness. And America embraced him for it.


I am one of the 'uneducated'. I was never brainwashed by collegiate professors. I've studied politics, history and economics on my own most of my life. I did not vote in ignorance and I did not vote the lesser of two evils. I am a principled voter and always vote my conscience.


Trumps rhetoric doesn't scare me. I'm interest to see if a man, who has never been a bureaucrat, who can't be bough, is not beholden to political parties or lobbyist and who isn't interested in PC non-sense, can effect change in a system grounded in over a century of political corruption, power grabbing and freedom destruction.


And if he can't impact the system, if there is no change forthcoming, then the future truly is bleak. Because this means the path we are on, the path that Hillary wanted us to continue on, is unavoidable.


And pundits like the guy who wrote this article will never see the path of destruction the establishment has us on until it's too late. All he can see is that a bunch of 'uneducated' folk voted against his perspective.


Trump won because the concept of a Great America, the America we grew up believing in, is something we long for as we watch our nation slide deeper and deeper into PC, liberal oblivion.


Trump has shaken the establishment, leaving everyone scrambling for footing. He has left a trail of political destruction in his wake and both parties are at a loss as to what to do. He's violated every political rule written and proved how meaningless their rule book is. He did the exact opposite of what everyone said he should do, and now he is the President Elect.


I have no idea what type of President he will be. But if he can continue to tear down the establishment and expose their corruption I'm looking forward to the ride.

Two Score and many moons ago.......

Two Score ago in the Los Angeles suburb of Huntington Park the Lord brought me into this world.  40 Years old today.  My wife always says, “Getting old sucks”.  But I sit here pondering the notion, “Am I old?”  I don’t feel old.  But I don’t feel young either.  And in reality, if the average age American’s live to be 80, I’m really only half way there.  I still have a whole life to live again before I die (potentially).  Hmm.. Better start taking care of this shell of a body I will be stuck in for the next 40 or so years (potentially). 

Born into what has been labelled Generation X, because apparently we are so unoriginal we couldn’t come up with a cool name like “Baby Boomer” or “Millennial”.  No, we are the X as in the designation you give as a placeholder when you don’t know what the actual designation will end up being.  We are just that much of a mystery.  Then again it really was the Baby Boomers that likely named us, so maybe they are just that confounded by us and we are just stuck with the X moniker due to their lack of understanding or creativity.  I like that version of the story better, so I’m sticking with blaming the Baby Boomers.  Thanks Dad (and the rest of your generation of course).     

In the 90’s we were called the “Friends generation: rather self-involved and perhaps aimless.. but fun”.  I like that ‘but fun’ part.  I’d hate to think we are the boring generation, though I will say that lately it does feel that way.  The fun is being sucked out of us by technology, the Millennials and the SJW’s.  All while the Baby Boomers are saying, “What have we done? Oh well, that’s Generation X’s problem now.  Let’s go enjoy retirement and watch the show. You bring the popcorn, and I’ll bring the beer.”  But we are the ‘Fun’ generation dammit.  Why do we have to fix it?  Maybe if we ignore it long enough it will become the Millennials problem. Yeah, that’s a good plan.  Keep kicking that can down the road J

My generation is the last to grow up in a world that wasn’t inundated with internet based technology.  We are living through the transition and pondering how the Millennials will ever grow and experience life (or life as we see it) while strapped to technology.  We reminisce about the simpler days of cassette tapes, vhs, and only “13 channels of shit on the TV to choose from” (thank you Pink Floyd for giving me that line to plagiarize); Days when you went outside because there was, literally nothing to do inside.  I mean really, how many times can you watch Dirty Dancing on VHS (maybe its better not to ask that question)?     

But none of this really tells you about me.  And it’s my birthday so today is all about me.  How humble of me, right?  So what about me?  Let’s see, the story of my life.  My Dad’s parents were Irish Catholic (Grandfather was number 16 of 17 kids I’m told, grew up in Ireland making me only second generation American on Dad’s side).  My Mom’s parents were what I affectionately call European mutts.  Mormon by faith and I believe, though I’d have to ask, that they have been on this continent much longer.  Growing up I was raised in the Mormon faith (mostly) except when I was not going to church at all, or attending a local Christian Church with my siblings (more on that later), or a Catholic Church with my Grandmother (my Grandfather having long since died when I was about 1 I think.. Hey can you tell me what was going on in your life when you were 1..  I think not…).  Or when I was being taught about the Jewish faith of my stepmother (or so she always claimed, I only saw her in a church on her wedding day).  I guess in reality I was a religions mutt as well with strong Mormon leanings.  I remember very clearly one day starting to pray the Catholic “Grace” and being chastised by my Grandmother.  “This is not your faith Sean.  You must practice YOUR faith”.  My faith?  If I know nothing else about Grandma, I know she was passionate about her faith.  Interestingly the division of faith or lack thereof in my family eventually instilled in me a passion for truth about God.    

My parents divorced when I was too young to remember.  My father remarried and suddenly I went from having 1 older sister to 5 older siblings.  And my little brother (or half-brother if you are keeping track) soon followed.  That made 7 of us total.  Interesting enough he married our best friend’s mother.  We went from being friends to siblings in one set of “I do’s”.  A few years later my mother also remarried but never had any more children.  Oh yeah, and many many years later my father married again adding 3 more children to the sibling pool of now 10 (though one is no longer with us).  So the Family Bush (my Dad’s coined term for us) can be rather confusing.  There will be a test later. 

The first 5 years of my life was relatively stable and normal (in a sense).  We lived in one of my grandfather’s 7 homes (Mom, Sister and I) which was right next door to Dad and Grandma.  So I sorta had both of my parents at first.  But then the great city of Huntington Park decided, via Right of Eminent Domain, that my grandmother no longer needed her homes she had lived in and owned for over 3 decades.  This was the end of relative stability in my life for many many years to come. 

Soon my mother had moved to Las Vegas of all places and my father was remarried and oh yeah I had a lot more siblings.  And my little brother who was so cute until his 1^st birthday, which happened to be 3 days before my 6^th birthday.  I’m uber (such a millennial word, I know) excited because it’s my birthday party and for some reason I have two birthday cakes on the table.  Then reality set in and I realized it wasn’t all for me.  I don’t know if it was just my perception or if I truly was mostly ignored that day because of the excitement of a one year olds birthday, but I do recall being very sad and lonely on the front porch all alone.  And we’ve been sharing birthdays ever since.  Which was actually very cool in later years when instead of a party, our parents would just drop the two of us off at Magic Mountain for the day, just the two of us. 

From age 5 to age 20 I moved 13 times.  I slept anywhere and everywhere, very heavily I might add, but that’s a story for another time, or you can just ask my Dad who tried to wake me up ‘once.. just once’ (Nick… what movie?).  My favorite sleeping arrangement in those years was the bathroom which my Dad started to remodel but never finished.  I grabbed a mattress and made it my own.  I enjoyed having my ‘own’ space until he kicked me out to finish remodeling it. 

I’ve often thought of my youth as a Soap Opera.  You just never knew what life experience might come your way.  And it’s seemed to run the gambit in that short 15 year span from 5 to 20.  We were a no holds barred type of family.  And each of us contributed to the adventure in both good and bad ways that even now seems less than real to me, but more of a Soap Opera. 

Overall I was a shy but tough kid.  I had to be with 5 older siblings.  I may not have won physically but I could mess with their heads with the best of them.  To this day my brother still tells me I’m the most stubborn person he’s ever known.  Though you would think that at some point self-preservation would have kicked in; it didn’t and I never stopped pushing buttons and they never stopped getting mad at me for it.  I’m amazed to this day I never broke a bone or ended up in the hospital for something (other than getting hit by a car while riding my brother’s bike racing my other brother).  I did develop quite the level of pain tolerance (though not as much as my favorite Kraut Gunther).  I’m not saying we didn’t love each other; we just had a rough way of showing it.

‘Pain Therapy’ (a tough family) taught me not to fear much in the world, which probably was stupid because I lived in a dangerous place.  I was jumped more times than I want to recall just because I was white (and a skinny white guy at that).  And I didn’t even like fighting outside of my home unless I felt truly threatened.

In summary I guess my childhood was a strange mix of everything.  It gave me a sarcastic and somewhat irreverent appreciation for most of life’s situations.  ‘Laugh, Cry or Scream”, I usually choose laugh which really irks some people. 

I survived my childhood, graduated high school with a superbly impressive “at best” C average.  It might not have even been that good.  It wasn’t really a priority for me back then.  I then proceeded to have no idea what to do with my life. 

I moved out of my Dad’s house and procedure to jump from sofa to bed to sofa to bed in a very nomadic lifestyle.  Thank you all who shared a sofa or bed with me in those years.  It was a blissful life of no real responsibility, yet at the same time truly unfulfilling.  Thought I did find my first ‘wife’ in one of those beds.  Now what fun would it be if I actually explained that to you?

Religion almost led me on a Mormon mission, but instead drove me to further despair and eventually the Navy.  It was the most memorable moment of pride for my father to see me off into the military.  I will admit it was his pride in my efforts that carried me through much of my Navy career.  It certainly was my stature.  skinny runt like me…  somehow I lost out in the gene pool here.. seriously, have you met my Dad?   How did I end up a skinny twig?  My dad gave me a watch once.  I could wear it around my bicep.  Hmm.. yeah, something not right there…

I ended up joining the Navy as whim.  My ‘buddy’ talked me into joining with him and then bailed at the last minute.  But I went through with it because I had nothing better to do.  Signed away 6 years of my life to indentured servitude.  The Navy showed me that I could hold my own against some of the smartest men/women to enter the military.  It also showed me that my disdain for authority held no bounds.  Much endurance was required to survive both of those truths. 

The Navy was a very interesting 6 years.  God was working in me to change my heart and lead me to Him, all while I was rebelling against the faith of my youth, the authority that was over me and the morals I had been taught.  I lived many lives in a very short period of time (much like my childhood). 

By the time I got out I was definitely a Reformed Christian, though I had no idea that there was such a thing as a Reformed Christian.  Shortly after I got out two friends changed my life. 

First Bill invited me to Branch of Hope where for the first time in my life I heard a purely Biblical sermon.  2 years later (I had to be sure) I joined the church and was blessed by my membership there for many many years.

Second Jen nagged me into talking to the woman who was to become my wife.  This is the story of why you never say never to God.  By the Grace of God I fell in love with a woman who was everything I wasn’t looking for.  He changed her heart as well and here we are 13 years later going strong. 

We were married by Pastor Paul Viggianno.  My pastor, mentor, counselor and friend.  We both grew in knowledge and spirit under the leadership of Branch of Hope.  Our family grew from three to five.  We lived in virtual poverty for much of that time, but God blessed us with good friends and enough to get by. 

And most of that time we knew we wanted to escape Los Angeles to a place more affordable.  But Michigan was definitely not on any list of mine as an option.  I tried to move many times to places that were on my list, but was thwarted every time.  But then God opened a door and shoved me through it and so here I am in Michigan.  How did I get here?  I don’t know.  But I’ve been blessed with a beautiful home, great neighbors and Godly friends.  The miracles of the last two years still astound me.  But God is good.

Today…  Our family is growing and thriving in Michigan.  My eldest is growing into a young man.  He started his senior year of high school.  My little ones are developing friendships I’m certain will last many years.  My wife is engaging Godly women.  My job is excelling even amongst new challenges daily.  I’ve been blessed to share the gospel with many people since moving here and am no actively engaged in the leadership of a church plant.  I’M IN A CHURCH PLANT.  How does that happen?

So what was the point of this rant?  No point, it’s my birthday and I wanted to rant.  Sometimes it’s good to just let the words flow.  It's good to remember the life I've been blessed to live.  I've seen 38 of the 50 states, sailed around the world, visited countries I never dreamed of visiting, Had friends and relationships that I never could have planned on, suffered much, lost much, gained even more, loved, hated, blessed, offended, helped, hurt, grown, regressed, regretted, appreciated and much much more.  In all this I've been amazed to study my fellow man and to learn about humanity and God's impact on us all.  

To those who have shared a portion of this journey of life with me..  Thank you for being a part of my life.  I know each and every one of you has touched me and have contributed to the man I am today. 

So here is to the next 40 years.  May the second half of my life be full.  May God continue to teach me and care for me as closely in this half as He has the first half.  This half of my life will let me see my children grow into adults and become husbands, wives and parents.  And the great bulk of this half will be spent growing in Christ with my wife whom God has blessed me with.  Here is to a whole life ahead of me.      

Rambling

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall

That sends the frozen ground swell under it

And spills the upper boulders in the sun

You could say elves

But it’s not elves exactly

I’m in the mood to write but don’t seem to have a focus.  It’s been so longs since I’ve just let my thoughts flow.  So much I could cover.  I’m in a new state, I’m a homeowner, my teenager is about to turn 16 and be able to drive on his own.  Life is ever changing.

I’ve been in a sort of limbo ever since I got here.  Still not sure why God has brought me here.  Nothing seems normal to me.  There is a loneliness to living in a new place.  I feel like an outsider.  Not that I can’t get along, but that I just don’t fit here. 

Every day I get by, and everyday seems like the last.  I moving forward but have no idea where I’m going. 

Work: Work is great, but at the same time I miss the familiar.  Spend six years in one place doing one job and you get comfortable.  I’m adapting and getting better at my new job, but it still doesn’t feel comfortable yet.  It’s like a new pair of shoes; it takes time to break it in.  I know eventually it will feel like a part of me, but I’ve been here over a year and still not broken in yet. 

A certain man jumped through hoops to bring me half way across the country because he believed in me.  Every day I question if I’m meeting his expectations.  Am I really as valuable as he thinks?  Am I accomplishing the tasks he put so much effort into bringing me here to accomplish?  I don’t know the answer to that question.  I just know I must succeed. 

Home: 198 days, 12 hours, 36 minutes and 30 seconds ago I became a homeowner for the first time.  

Yes I’m counting.  I always thought I’d be a homeowner much sooner.  It’s how I was raised.  But here I am, middle aged and just now buying my first home.  I’m thrilled and very happy with what God has blessed me with.  At the same time, there is so much I seem not to know.  And being a homeowner in Michigan has very different challenges than being a homeowner in California.  They have this thing called Winter here.  It’s quite the experience that you must prepare for.  For instance I spent a great deal of today learning about humidifier’s and why we need them when it’s cold and how to maintain them. 

Marriage: Moving has an impact on marriage.  Patty and I are having to learn how to live in our new world.  New home; new car; new church; new state; new neighbors; new home; new friends; new new new new new….  Much like the work experience, we don’t seem to fit in yet.  We will get by but I’ve found the feeling of displacement does take a toll on marriage.  When you are constantly existing outside of your comfort zone, there is no time to recharge.  And it is that lack of recharge, that lack of a comfortable escape, which leaves you less than fully prepared to be a good spouse. 

Wife: My wife is struggling but adapting.  She’s taken to driving and Monday school and found friends.  The big city girl is learning to be a small town woman.  And our new home definitely requires a full time person to just keep up with it.  The kids have a knack for being little tornados.  And most of the time she’s on her own.  I work long hours so she manages the house, the kids, and life all the day long mostly by herself. 

Kids: I’m beyond proud of my teenager.  He’s working , he bought his first vehicle and soon will have his permit to drive alone.  At the same time he’s become a recluse since moving here.  He’s not adapting well socially, but he’s stepped up his game on the responsibility front.  He’s moved great strides forward in one regard and taken steps back in another.  I guess it’s just part of growing up and adapting. 

My little ones are thriving.  Though they spent so many years limited in their outside experience, that the still don’t venture out as much as I’d like.  I mean they have 3.4 acres of world to explore, yet so far they are content to stay in the basement and maybe play in the driveway.  Granted the basement is bigger than the apartment me we lived in for 8 years, but still.  The two of them are linked at the hip.  Sometimes I wonder how long this sibling unity will last.  At some point I’m certain they will part ways but for now they are very much one. 

Me: How am I doing?  I’m one who has always sought out the company of others.  I just enjoy people.  Yet here I’m not finding much companionship.  My neighbor and I actually get along well.  He and his wife just had their second child. 

But when you’ve spent years developing friendships, you miss those friendships.  And that makes it lonely.  Not that I’m alone per se, but just don’t have the connections that I would like to close the interpersonal gaps.  But you have your wonderful wife, you say.  Very true.  I love my wife.  But I really am a social person.  I’m very accustomed to having alternative personal links. 

Yet I’m perfectly capable of moving forward each day.  Just getting done what needs to be done.  My family needs me to be a husband and a provider and that is what I am first and foremost.  Not very glamorous, but very necessary. 

Overall, I’m doing well.  My family is provided for.  We have a home.  We have food.  And we have each other.  God is good, I just need to be more appreciative of the blessing God has given me, rather than focusing on the changes that I’m still adjusting to.  God is blessing me beyond my imagination, while I cling to the past.  I need to embrace this.  Easy to say, but I’m still struggling to do it. 

And with that I’ll end this ramble.  And that’s really all this was.  Just letting my mind flow.  I should do this more.  It’s very therapeutic.  

The O'Brien Family own a home!

Growing up owning a home was always a goal for me.  It wasn’t an investment goal (as many consider it) but just a basic life expectation for me.  Not that I haven’t considered investment property, I have and still am considering it, but I’ve always believed you should own the place you live in.  Not in the ‘American Dream’ sense, but rather in the personal responsibility sense.  We humans tend to care more for things that we own.  It’s easy to be negligent or uncaring about someone else’s property. 

My grandfather did both.  He owned his home and 6 others, all bought in cash.  Even though he died when I was very young, the knowledge of his life story has always stuck with me.  An Irish Immigrant who came with little and worked hard, to make a good life for himself and his family. 

My dad always owned the home we lived in.  My mother never did (they were divorced).  I got to see the stark contrast between the life of a homeowner and the life of a renter.  By and large, the life of the homeowner was what I wanted. 

I’ve read much about homeownership over the years.  There is plenty of literature out there.  Not everyone thinks owning a home is a good idea.  Moreover, there are very good reasons to not own a home.  I’ll not dig into the argument for or against homeownership at this time

But if you are not in it for the ‘investment’ and truly just want a place to ‘call home’, I still believe it’s the right choice. 

So why did it take me 20 years after leaving my parents home to buy a home?  The short answer is economics.  However, that’s not the whole story.  From age 20-26 I was in the Navy.  A single grunt in the Navy really isn’t in the economic position to buy a home.  And even if I was in an economically sound position, what’s the point when I was moving or at sea a significant portion of my life?  From my limited viewpoint, the opportunity just wasn’t there in that environment.  In retrospect, I probably could have made it work.

I actually expected to buy a home shortly after leaving the Navy.  The housing market in 2003 was about the same as it had been in 1997 when I joined the Navy.  2003 was a year of transition. I figured I had plenty of time to get settled.  By 2004, the housing bubble had begun to grow and prices soared. I had missed the window.

My life turned to a business and then marriage.  The two quickly consumed any money I had.  The business failed and the marriage continued.  It took me a while to recover from the business.  All the while the housing market bubble continued to grow.  Even if I wasn’t recovering from my failed business venture, the market was far beyond my reach. 

The bubble burst in 2008 but somehow the LA housing market managed to retain a significant portion of its inflated value.  The notion of taking on at a minimum, $300k of debt for a shack of house just didn’t appeal to me.  A decent home in LA is still $500k+.  So we watched the clock tick and the years go by.  And resolved to accept that homeownership would not be possible as long as we stayed in California.  So, the question became, how to “Escape from LA”?  Kurt Russell wasn’t going to be much help this time. 

We looked at candidate locations.  Washington State, Colorado, Arizona, Virginia, Tennessee, even Utah.  I must say Michigan, wasn’t even on the list of possibility.  I had suffered through one great lakes winter in Boot Camp and had no desire to ever live this far north in the Midwest ever. 

But God has plans, and He crushed every opportunity that I thought was where I wanted to be.  He then opened up the opportunity, which brought me here and shoved me through the door. 

2 decades after moving out of my parent’s home, I now sit in my own den in my own home typing my thoughts on homeownership.  I’m amazed by the journey that has brought me here.  If someone had told me I’d buy my first home in Michigan of all places, I’d have never believed them.  Why on earth would I ever move to Michigan? 

Moreover, if someone had told me that my first home would be in a village with a population of less than 2000 people, never could I have fathomed that would be true.  I’m a big city guy married to a bigger city girl. 

You know that Depeche Mode song “Blasphemous Rumors”.  God truly does have a sense of humor.  But He also has a great plan, and His plan for me is to own a home in middle of now where Michigan, in a village that has fewer people than my high school.  I don’t know or understand why I’m here, or what God’s plan is for me here. 

What do I know?  I know I live in an amazing home, with beautiful land.  I know I paid less for it than a cheap condo would have cost me in Los Angeles.  I know that whatever God’s plan is, this is now home and it’s my home.  I know my children have a place that is theirs.  I know I could never have achieved my goal of homeownership, if I wasn’t willing to follow God to the most unlikely of places for me to go. 

I KNOW I’M HOME!

45 Days

8 hours

30 minutes

32 seconds

But who is counting?

Dr Seuss Land

It has been a long time since I’ve blogged.  Life just went crazy.  A year ago I was packing up to move for the first time in 8 years.  Upgrade to a rented house.  3 weeks to the day after we moved, I receive a phone call.  It is my plant manager, who just transferred to Michigan, asking me if I would follow him.  He needs my help. 

Keep in mind this side of America was suffering the worst winter it had seen in decades while sunny southern California was having one of the nicest winters I can recall.  Oh, and I HAD JUST MOVED AND SIGNED A 12 MONTH LEASE. 

So, I’ve been praying for the right opportunity to leave California for at least 7 years.  Every golden opportunity never seemed to pan out.  Therefore, I gave up.  I resolved to stay in Cali.  I am ready to settle down for a few more years to finish College and let my son finish High School and God lays this dream job right in my lap.  All I have to do is move to Michigan.  NO NO NO.  That was not what I prayed for.  Michigan?  Really? 

In the end, it was my father’s wisdom that helped me make the choice.  He simply explained that if I let this door close without stepping through it, there is no guarantee of when, if ever another door will open.  In other words, if you want to move up, take the opportunities afforded you no matter what. 

In June, I moved by myself to Kalamazoo, Mi.  As my wife said, you are moving me to a Dr Seuss book.  By the end of July, my family had followed.  It hasn’t been an easy transition.  Friends, family, church, comfort zone, all left behind. 

Last time I left California, I was young and single.  I’m finding it a much different adventure when you are married with three children.  I’ve always been a nomad so meeting people and starting over isn’t a big deal.  However, my wife and kids are not nomadic. 

I think the hardest thing has been finding a church home and missing friends.  Every day off becomes a challenge to figure out what one does in KZoo with a family of five. 

The winter, while mild by Michigan standards is brutally cold by California standards.  I’ve spent a small fortune clothing the five of us.  The other day I walked outside, it was 30 degrees and I thought, “This isn’t that bad”.  There is something very wrong with that picture.  30 DEGREES NOT THAT BAD. 

So we’ve become, not the nomadic family, but the hibernating family.  Looking forward to seeing what spring brings into our lives. 

On a brighter note for the first time ever I am seriously considering buying a home.  Growing up I always thought I’d be a homeowner.  I just didn’t think it would take me almost 40 years. 

That means we are going to be here a while.  Who would have thought I’d ever own a home in Michigan.  Certainly not me. 

Well, wish me luck, next week the house hunt begins. 

None Would Be Hired!

So Milestone 4 in my short list of truly significant events this year is quickly approaching.  And as I reflect on what brought about this milestone, I have a few thoughts (surprise.. surprise).

I’ve always know my self-esteem needs work.  I don’t wake up, look in the mirror and see a great man with great abilities.  I tend to see my failures.  But I’m blessed to know quite a few who see me in a much brighter light than I see myself.  It is in their eyes that I see a different me.  A better me.  Someone whom others turn to and count on. 

I will speak of these because I’m beginning to see a side of me that I usually deny exists.  It is because of them that my eyes are being opened and the veil of self-deprecation that usually shrouds my view of myself is slowly being torn. 

My Plant Manager of four years has relocated to Michigan.  He has spent the last 4 months bending heaven and earth to ensure that I follow him to Michigan.  I can’t say all he has done, but I know that the efforts required by him to ensure I follow him are far beyond anything I could have expected.  I would truly be a blind man if I didn’t recognized that he sees great potential in me and has much faith in my ability to positively impact the facility he is in charge of.  Oh, so in case you didn't guess, Milestone 4 is I'm moving to Michigan.

My past Manager who is also in the mid-West recently congratulated me on my new position stating that when she first came to the Michigan plant, one of her first thoughts was, “they need a Sean here”.  She is an amazingly talented manager and I’m honored to know she thinks me so capable and talented.  She is convinced that I am the man for the job.

My most self-revealing encounter as a result of my new job comes from my Engineering Manager of 6 years.  We are actively seeking to fill my position.  2 of 3 internal candidates bowed out leaving only one.  He insisted we have at least two candidates before making a decision for comparison.  I asked why he just doesn’t use me for comparison.  His answer was, “If you are the bar, none of the three would be hired.” 

These are all people whom I admire and have a deep respect for.  Their insight and opinions have helped me throughout the years.  So to have their insight directed towards me and my abilities and to hear their endless praise and confidence leaves me wondering what I’m not seeing when I look in the mirror. 

While I can’t answer that question, I do accept the image of me they reflect.  I move forward knowing that if they think I can, than I most likely can (no matter my personal self-image).  One positive I have learned about myself is that when I accept challenges I don’t think I’m capable of, I somehow find a way to succeed.  This new job is no exception.  I see where the bar is set and have no idea how I’m going to meet it, but my PM believes I can do it and so I shall move forward.  Can I actually do it?  Only time will tell, but if history can forecast, than yes, I will succeed. 

How?  I have no idea?  I’m thankful to have people who see in me the skills, and talent I rarely see in myself.  I’m grateful they challenge me to reach heights I could never see myself reaching with full confidence in my ability.  I pray God continues to place people in my life that will push me to greater heights than I could ever dream myself capable.