As I approach the first of many anniversaries to come in my marriage, I sit in wonder and awe. Is marriage what I expected to be? Nope! It’s wonderful and dreadful all at once. Wonderful in that I have the family I always dreamed of. I have a beautiful, loving, intelligent, Christian wife who loves me. I have an adorable little boy who also loves me. I am without a doubt a very blessed man. They are the answer to many years of prayers.
So what is the dread? The work! Marriage and fatherhood are more work than I ever imagined. I am, self-admittedly a lazy man. I know that to be the husband and father I want to be and that my family deserves will take a whole lot of work on my part. Don’t get me wrong, I anxiously await spending the rest of my life with Patty and Darrien, but there are times I long for the ease of bachelorhood, the freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want, answering to no one. The life of a nomad wandering from place to place, never knowing what tomorrow will bring, and often not caring. Malcontent to stay in one place very long, always moving, always changing, always in a life of limbo. Always looking for the next adventure. Always going against the grain. Always rebelling against any authority in my life. Content to answer to no one.
No small wonder I left the navy, eh?
But now I’m in a cage of my own choosing as husband and father. A life which requires stability, responsibility, and a grounded ness which I am entirely unaccustomed. I don’t regret my decision to be a husband and father, but there are times I miss the freedom my wanton life once provided me. I’m still working on incorporating my Nomadic tendencies into my stable environment. So far the best I can come up with is to take my family to places of my past which, while not new to me, are new to them, and thus I get to re-live the joy of adventure through them.
However my life as a surfer of sofas is over. Maybe my children will follow in my footsteps someday. I’m sure my wife would just love that.
I've given up much, but I've gained more than I ever could have imagined.
1 comment:
I hate to tell you this Sean Patrick, but you stopped being as cool as you think you are even before you moved back to California. It's not a bad thing. You just grew up and got a little sanity (very little, but some). Happy Anniversary and my most sincere wishes for many more years of happiness!
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