And the Cat's in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon

I'm sure ya'll are familiar with the song. It's theme has been ringing in the ears of this Dad lately. I was raised very differently from my father, yet lately I see how much like him I have grown to be. I love my father, but I pray constantly that I can be a better father than he was. I pray I can change the trends in myself I see which are a reflection of him. Makes my Dad sound like this horrible father. I guess he was a horrible father. Not that he was abusive per say, just neglectful. Even he recognizes his failings and has been trying hard the past few years to make up for it.

I don't want my children to end up like me. I want what every father wants.. I want my kid's to grow up to be better men than I ever could be. I want them to succeed where I have failed. When they reach the crossroads of their lives I want them to choose the paths I didn't choose. I want to prepare them for the world nobody prepared me for.

Looking at Caleb today, I kept saying in my head, "Please don't end up like me, son". As Patty likes to point out to me, Darrien is already mimicking me. The way I talk, walk, my mannerism, my "witty" responses. I see it too and maybe that is what is bothering me. As I'm saying "Darrien, that's not how you respond" or "Don't do that" I know I'm hearing and seeing myself through him.

I have little doubt that my children will turn out better than me. I have given (and continue to give them) a better environment that I could have dreamed of as a child. But I also know what God says. "And I will visit the iniquities of the father to the children of the third and fourth generation." Which of my iniquities shall be passed on to my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I'm so dramatic sometimes (Patty always tells me so). Part of what brought this particular bought of dramatascim on is just my current life. This month has been a rollercoaster of neverending stress. So just a few prayer requests.
-My newborn (I love him dearly but boy can he sap the life out of you)
-My Mother, who's delusions have left her temporarily homeless (currently she's living on my sofa)
-My wife who on top of dealing with new mommyhood and post partum depression is dealing with my Mom.
-My job which seems to be both a great blessing and great curse all at once.

My wife and I had a moment alone together (rare these days) and she says, "Sean, you look stressed out!"

"Well my Dear," I reply,"I average 12 hour days at work, my 7 year old is jealous of his very dependent brother, his very dependent brother is very dependent, my wife is exhausted and depressed, my crazy mother is sleeping on my sofa and I haven't been laid in at least a month. I've had better times." Of course she just laughed hysterically.

Well, enough ranting. I need to get back to my mother, my wife and my two kids.