THE FAMILY UNION

My life has always been full of unique experiences.  I’ve often said, in all sincerity, that if you documented my life and that of my family, it would be better than any soap opera.  I feel blessed to have seen the many sides of life good and bad.  It’s given me a greater appreciation for the simple side of life that I now enjoy. 

But recently I’ve experience the most surreal event in my already bizarre life.  I had the privilege of attending ‘Decedents of Inez Claire Walker Family Union’.  It’s not a reunion, as many of us were meeting for the first time.  Simply a Union of brothers, sisters and cousins who never knew each other existed. 

I can’t say much about my grandmother, other than to say she had many children who never knew each other.  You dear reader can take that to mean whatever you want. 

My father grew up knowing he had been adopted.  At some point he learned that he had an older brother also given up for adoption.  No one who was actually there would share the true story so through the years we have pieced together the puzzle, making many errors along the way. 

A decade ago he finally found his older brother.  I met uncle Bill only once since then, but I’ve had the honor of growing close to his daughter, my cousin Natalia.  We connected instantly and it’s been as if we’ve always known each other ever since. 

We had solved the puzzle and moved on with life at that point.  I don’t think anyone expected to ever learn anything more about Grandma Inez and her life. 

My wife is Puerto Rican.  Being that the Caribbean has been conquered by many different people she was curious about her own heritage.  She’s been bugging me for many moons to take the DNA test with her so she could learn more about her ancestors.  Earlier this year she finally talked me into doing so for our Anniversary. 

While her results were interesting and enlightening my results were down right shocking.  Apparently I’m 48% Scandinavian.  Scandinavian?  What? Did I miss something here?  Now much of that can be attributed to my Mormon roots from my mother.  Apparently there was a mass migration into the Mormon church by Scandinavians.  Only 26% Irish, not quite the Celtic foundation one expects with a name like O’Brien.  Irish nonetheless. 

But the true shock came when a ‘second cousin’ identified by the DNA contacted me.  She told me her mother was adopted (hmmm) and had been looking for family her whole life.  We started conversing and digging into the mystery of DNA.  We soon determined with certainty that her mother was my dad’s little sister.  A sister he never knew he had.  Suddenly I had an Aunt and 4 Cousins that I hadn’t had just days earlier. 

At first there was denial.  All evidence to the contrary, I was just not accepting of the facts that were before me.  But the puzzle pieces kept falling into place revealing one layer after another.  So now what?  Not really a conversation I wanted to have over the phone with my father.  “Hey Dad, it’s been a while.  Oh by the way, I think I’ve found your sister that you never knew you had. How’s it going?” 

So I called my sister.  We talked for a bit and she agreed since she lives 5 minutes from Dad to share the news.  He took it well.  Maybe he always suspected he might have more siblings.  I don’t know.  Ironically his wife had bought him a DNA test months earlier that he’d been sitting on.  So he took it finally. 

While waiting for his results another sister was found.  Younger than the others.  Another distant cousin I found had mapped out the whole tree of Grandma Inez.  And DNA brought forth the next sister. 

Me being me, I inquired of the lady if she knew anything about Grandma Inez and why.  She didn’t take it well and really decided quickly that she didn’t like me. 

 About that time Dad’s DNA results came through confirming beyond all doubt that he has two sisters.  So now what? 

Well, my newly found, very ambitious cousin decided we ALL needed to get together.  And in short order had us all booked for the first ever “Decedents of Inez Walker Family Union”. 

We all came together with life stories.  It seems that all of us have lived challenging lives.  But we all also brought with us pieces of the puzzle.  At first there was caution.  We were all strangers with only our DNA as a connection.  But very quickly the walls of caution came down and we found ourselves actively sharing the mystery that is our lives. 

We came with different parents, different stories, different faiths, different biases, different understanding of the truth, yet none of that seemed to matter as we united as ONE family. 

There was much laughter, joy, and sorrow.  Some deep wounds were opened and covered with the comfort found by unconditional acceptance and love.  It was bonding at an incredibly rapid rate.  One of the surprised to come out of the weekend is the knowledge that there are two more siblings.    

I won’t say there aren’t still wounds that need healing.  But I know we can do that together. 

I’ll not be sharing the history of our lives here, for that is not my story to tell.  But I will say the children and grandchildren of Inez Claire Walker were a family for the first time ever that weekend and it was a wonderful, joyous and very SURREAL event. 

I don’t know what the future holds for any of us.  I’m certain that all of our lives are forever changed.  I pray that we don’t let the momentum of this amazing Union fade, but rather use this as a springboard to pursuing deeper relationships with our newfound family.  It’s so easy to get distracted by life.      

So to the siblings, Bill, Pat (Dad), Karen and Linda: I’m so excited that you have all discovered each other, even if it took 6+ decades.  I’m very happy to have an Uncle and two Aunts.  To the cousins, Shannon, Sam, Jason, Natalia, Kathryn, and Sean (that would be me), and Katie: let’s not worry about the lives we lived before we knew each other, but rather find ways to pursue relationships with each other so that we can celebrate the lives we have with each other now. 

And to my little brother who couldn’t make it, I hope you get to meet our family someday.  They are a special group of people that I’m blessed to finally know. 

I started this diatribe talking about the crazy life I’ve lived.  I thought I had reached a point in life where I was past all the surprising moments.  But alas the most SURREAL event of all just happened and I can say the Union Of the Decedents of Inez Walker was one of the best weekends of my life.  So here is to my grandmother whose very mysterious life has impacted her decedents profoundly.  I’m glad we finally found each other.  We may never know the whole truth of your life, but we are all now family, and for that I thank you.