2020 ~ A test of faith

Last year began with our government in the middle of an impeachment of our President.  An event that can be counted on one hand in terms of historical occurrences.  No one could have imagined that this would be the most normal thing to happen in 2020. 

 

The remainder of 2020 was dominated by two things.  Covid 19 and mass unrest in the name BLM and racial injustice.  It’s hard to say which of the two was more divisive.  But both had huge and lasting impacts on our nation.  There is no way to measure the economic, social and political devastation of 2020.  Lives have been destroyed, businesses collapsed, infrastructures decimated.  And as the nation grew apart, information became impossible to obtain or verify true.  Desperation came to countless numbers as loss became commonplace.  

 

2020 was clearly the year of disinformation indoctrination.  And the masses took a stand on one side of the other swallowing whole without questions the ‘facts’ as presented by their side.  The opposing side was viewed as ignorant, hateful, unpatriotic, unsympathetic and evil.  The level of hatred from both sides reached levels I’ve never seen before.  

 

Now as a right leaning libertarian there is very little from the left that I’ve ever supported.  And there is much on the right that I don’t support as well.  That has historically been a stable political perspective for me because the DNC and GOP were never really that different.  It was easy to disdain both of them.  But today, for the first time in my recollection in my life, they truly are very different parties (at least at the Federal level).  It’s a bit shocking to see such a strong contrast between them.  But what has become clear is the corruption of our government and the absolute lack of morality and care for the common American.  Power at any cost has been the clear mantra of 2020.  And unlike in the past, the dirty politics of our nation were on full display via social media and supported by the right and left media, which are no longer represent objective journalism, but are just a extensions of the political arms of the right and left.  This brought the bulk of America into the political world for probably the first time ever (historically most American’s are oblivious to politics).  This also drove both sides to spin the information in their favor with wanton disregard for truth or objectivity.   Thus, the disinformation indoctrination of America was like a hurricane that lasted for the whole year.  

 

In the middle of a nation in chaos, I joined the rapidly growing ranks of the unemployed for the first time in 12 years and 2 days.  You would think this would have been devastating.  But the truth is it’s the best thing to happen to me in years.  

 

As a Christian I believe in the providence of God.  Knowing that He is in control and that He is a good and loving God, I know He has a good plan for me.  This has been a huge comfort in what otherwise could be viewed as a horrible time.  

 

For the first time in almost 17 years, I felt at rest.  I didn’t have the weight of the insanity of corporate leadership tying my hands while asking me to build the taj majal in two days.  Then getting mad at me when I couldn’t do it.  And I knew this was where God wanted me.  

 

But I did suddenly have my eyes opened to other parts of my life that had been lacking.  Time with my wife, time with my kids, physical exercise, time in God’s Word, time with my neighbors, time with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and time with my extended family.  All things which I had been neglecting in my focus on my career.  And it is in these things which I’ve been truly blessed in 2020.

 

I’ve spent so much time with my wife, I’m certain she can’t wait to ship me off to any job that will give her some space.  I’ve taken my children kayaking, hiking, biking, boating, ect.  I’ve taking a direct role in their education, taking over their study of science.  I’ve begun exercising for the first time in years (and man, this middle-aged guy is out of shape).  I’ve reengaged the Word of God and am being pleasantly fed by said Word in ways I know I have needed and neglected.  I’ve spent countless hours with neighbors, turning our little cul-de-sac into a commune of people who I can rely on and trust.  And even among the isolation of CVD I’ve managed to connect with many of my Christian brother and sister as well as family members I’ve had trouble staying connected too since moving to Michigan.  

 

It’s been a drastic redirection of my priorities.  I know I can no longer put aside any of those things for ‘later’, but must keep them all at the forefront of my life.  

 

As I venture into 2021 I do so not knowing what is in store for me.  The uncertainty of my nation, my career, my financial stability are all before me.  But this I know.  What I gained in 2020 is beyond value and I need to cling to it.  God blessed me with an amazing life here in Michigan.  A life which I feel I’m only now beginning to appreciate.  And as I pursue my financial / career future I know I don’t want to do so at the cost of what I have gained.  

 

And as my financial uncertainty lingers, I find myself more and more holding to the hope found in God’s providence over my life.  Because there are definitely times of anxiety the longer the uncertainty lasts.  Which isn’t to say there are no signs of hope and opportunity, but the realization of those signs is yet to come.  

 

I had become comfortable in my own ability to keep my head above water.  But this year has reminded that all I have is from God and it is in Him alone that I should place my hope for the future.  Which is really hard to do when you still have a wife, three kids and a mortgage looming over your proverbial shoulders.  I want to know that I’m in control and that I’ve got the plan that is going to keep us afloat and moving forward.  But over the last 8 months it has become clear to me that my best laid plans are just that, plans.  It is God who leads and God who gives and God who provides.  It’s humbling to acknowledge that; to trust in that; to hold to hope, not in myself, but in my Lord.  

 

But this year has also helped me to put trust in God for my nation.  Being a political junky I’ve often focused on our political system and pursued directions I felt we should go.  2020 definitely was no exception.  But as I’ve watched our nation divide and spiral into binary chaos, knowing that nothing I think should happen is happening, I find I must trust this also to God.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very anxious for what our nation is yet to face.  I am fairly confident 2021 is staged for just as much (if not more) chaos than 2020.  Our nation is divided beyond a level it can ever be repaired in my opinion.  And when you have to forces as angry and polar opposite as the left and right are today, you can be certain there will be a spark that ignites the tinder box.  I am not looking forward to 2021.  Yet I am confident that God has a good path forward.  This may mean worse things for our nation than we’ve already seen.  But God works through the chaos of life for His own good purpose.  

 

In my life both internal and external, 2020 was a year of growth and faith.  It was a year of sorrow and joy.  A year of desperation and hope.  As the Union I was born into moves in chaos, I’ve been blessed to no longer dwell in a major city or place of turmoil, but in a quiet little village, in a private little cul-de-sac surrounded by family, friends, neighbors and Godly wisdom.  With an amazing little church full of amazingly loving believers who share their lives and fellowship with me. I give praise and thanks to God for bringing me to this place at this time.  And while I have anxiety regarding my career and future, I trust that God who is faithful will continue to provide.  

 

I started writing this thinking I would expound on my fears for our nation under the foreseeable leadership in the foreseeable years.  But instead, I have been reminded of God and his providence in all we face.  My fears are still there.  I fully expect the worst of them to come to fruition.  And I pray for God’s sustaining hand in weathering whatever storms are coming our way.  

 

So hang on because “This is all far from over…” (name the movie bro).

A journey through the twilight zone of 2020 and before...

 

I was raised in the ghettos of liberal Los Angeles.  Most everyone I knew and went to school with were Democratic/left leaning.  I was raised in the time of Reagan and Bush with conservative Republican parents (all four of them).  So even at a young age my exposure to both sides of the political spectrum was a constant.  And from about junior high on I’ve been a political junky.  I always wanted to understand the what and the why.  I’ve studied politics from all sides most of my life. 

 

At age 20 I joined the US Navy.  It was during this six-year journey into the world at large that I truly developed my own understanding, beyond the limits of my LA experience, of the world, politics, religion, ect.  I discovered libertarianism and this unknown congressman who would post all of his congressional speeches online named Ron Paul.  I couldn’t believe that he was actually a Congressman.  I mean who would elect this guy to Congress.  He makes too much sense.  That rabbit hole led me into a political worldview that is neither Democrat nor Republican.  I want what is just and good for everyone.  And neither party represents that. 

 

For the last 24 years I have always voted my conscience.  The two-party system had become the same party, so it really didn’t matter who wins.  And when Ron Paul ran for President in 2008 and 2012 you better believe I voted for him.  I still have his 2008 sticker on my jeep.  The only politician I’ve openly supported and promoted (and likely the only one I ever will).  Yes, I knew he didn’t have a chance in hell of winning, but he earned my vote. 

 

In 2015 a very strange thing happened.  The billionaire lifetime Democrat, friend of Hollywood and the liberal left threw in his hat as a Republican Presidential Candidate.  At first, I was just entertained because he’s no politician and he was just destroying the ‘conservative’ politicians on the stage.  But then he started gaining steam.   I predicted he would win the Republican primary long before any thought he would.  I also predicted he would beat Hillary in the main election contrary to everything the polls were saying. 

 

I voted for Trump in the 2016 election.   It was the first time I voted for a Republican to be President.  It’s not that I liked Trump or even thought he was going to do a good job.  But he wasn’t really a Republican.  The Libertarians put up Gary Johnson (ugh) and I wanted to see what I call the great experiment.  I wanted to see a President that wasn’t a politician nor ex-military.  We have never had that.  And I believed this may be the only chance I would ever get to see it.  So, I voted for the experiment because man, I had to see what, if anything would be different. 

 

I’ve never trusted the media, so it wasn’t hard for me to see their bias.  But me being me, I always watch various media (you need to know what people you disagree with are saying if you want to understand them).  The first two years of Trump’s Presidency was the most amazing shift in politics and media of our lifetime.  Never before had the POTUS been the focus of the media daily.  This change in journalism changed politics drastically, because suddenly everything was political constantly. 

 

Trump being the media loving guru he is, took Twitter by storm.  Something no one in politics had ever done.  And he never let up and wielded it like a knife to poke whatever bear he felt like poking.  And the media got sucked in and ate it up.  The war between the media and the POTUS was something never before seen.  And it has endured for four years.  And it’s been the most absurd shitshow I never imagined for four years. 

 

That was all there was.  And because the media kept the President in our faces constantly, suddenly everyone became a political expert overnight.  Politics, which has been my hobby almost 30 years, suddenly was everyone’s forte.  And I shifted from being very outspoken politically to being an observer, because quite frankly with all the noise it was simply hard enough just keeping up with the sudden onslaught of data (good, bad, fake and otherwise).  It was a very unfamiliar place for me, but it was also the most amazing social experiment ever.  And social media fed not only the chaos but exposed the chaos for all to see.  All I had to do was sit and watch the show.  Watch the greatest social experiment ever unfold before my eyes.

 

The Republicans floundered because.. well because Trump isn’t a Republican but he won the Presidency on the Republican ticket.  The conservatives were torn because Trump offended their sense of propriety and challenged their core views as the leader of their party.  They became and still are a party divided.  Though I will say in the last 12 months they have shifted to get behind Trump.

 

The Democrats and the media both quickly realized that politics as usual don’t work with Trump.  He simply didn’t care.  They started to throw every ‘gotcha’ at him they could thinking with each one they had him, but somehow every time when the dust settled, there he was still standing.  And this went on nonstop for the first three years.  So, they started changing their tactics.  And with each change they peeled away a layer of the political veil of correctness than they had always hidden behind.  They, of their own doing, revealed the man behind the curtain. 

 

And so, for four years we have seen what had always been there but had never been out in the open.  The nature of true politics.  The left bias of the media was solidified, and the dirty tactics of politicians were brought to the forefront in hopes of taking down this man unworthy of the office they all coveted.  The staunch conservative right was shown to be built on sand and washed away into an unrecognizable mess. 

 

What I have found so enthralling these past four years is that with all of the ammo Trump provided them to use, they still found it politically expedient to twist everything and make stuff up over and over and over again.  I don’t know how many times I thought about what they could have said of substance against Trump rather than the nonsense they were shoveling. 

 

In fact, so much bad information was injected by the media, politicians and social media it became virtually impossible to find the truth anywhere.  My hobby of politics became an unimaginably difficult undertaking. 

 

I have done what I always do, which is dig through the noise and try to see what the pertinent data was in each scenario.  But the scenarios were coming at a speed that I couldn’t keep up with. 

 

I had to change my strategy.  I started to ignore news, media and especially twitter and just focus on policy.  It’s the only thing of substance I could keep up with.  And what I found astounded me.   Trump was deregulating at a rate and in ways I’d never imagined; in ways I never thought I would see from any President.  It was a libertarian’s dream.  He was actually enforcing immigration laws.  He pushed through Congress an actual tax cut.  This liberal Democrat was implementing some of the most conservative polices I’d ever seen.  WHAT?!?!?!?!?  What dystopian Twilight Zone is this?

 

His foreign police I wasn’t impressed with at all.  He was letting his generals run the show and it was business as usual in the middle east.  But then he got Russia to the table followed by North Korea.  It’s been 70 years since anyone has gotten North Korea to the table.  WHAT?!?!?!?  Overall I still don’t have much positive to say about his foreign policy other than, he isn’t a blatant warmonger like every other President of the last 50 years. 

 

By the end of his third year in office the domestic economy was booming in a way we haven’t seen in ages.  Unemployment was at all time low, wages were up, stocks were up.  And I kept waiting for the bubble to burst.  Bubbles always burst and in my mind, this was an economic bubble (especially the stock market). But it didn’t. 

 

By mid-year 2019 I predicted, unless there was a major economic crash or some other major catastrophe, Trump would easily win again.  American’s historically vote with their wallets and American’s were sitting pretty on Trumps watch.  Even the voters of color were shifting in Trumps direction.

 

At this point I wasn’t sure if I wanted the experiment to continue.  But then again it had been an entertaining ride so far.  But I always vote my conscience and wanted to see who would be in the field of play.  I mean Trump is a bombastic asshole.  And I’m a Ron Paul libertarian by heart. 

 

The Democratic debates were in full swing and for me there was one candidate that stood out as principled and a critical thinker.  Tulsi Gabbard.  I knew she didn’t have a chance, but she got farther than I anticipated.  If the left had the wherewithal to nominate a principled candidate, like Tulsi, she would have given Trump a run for his money (just as Bernie would have in 2016 had they not torpedoed his candidacy).  You win elections by pulling from the middle, not the fringe and Tusli would have absolutely pulled Republicans / Libertarians to her side.  But alas they towed the political line and pushed Biden to the top. 

 

The impeachment was a wash as expected.  And so, by January I was pretty confident in my prediction of a Trump win.  Then the test of my theory sprung its head and the catastrophe that is COVID-19 reared its head. 

 

In February I said two things.  First, I saw the beginning of lockdown and the economic chaos before us and scrapped my predictions because the economic collapse was upon us.  Second, I said that if the lock-downs weren’t short, riots were coming. 

 

COVID was big so I dug hard to find the best resources.  A 17-year-old kid put together an amazing data website that I used for many months to track trends and figure out for myself what was going on.  It’s amazing how much was known early on, yet we continued with the economic destruction anyway.  And 8 months later if isn’t clear that this is political, you aren’t paying attention.  If this was strictly science policy wouldn’t be divided along red and blue state lines. 

 

Then the riots began.  And while I expected them, I didn’t expect the degree and duration.  I was in LA during the Rodney King riots.  It was a scary time, and everyone was trying to quell it, even Rodney King.  What really threw me for a loop was that there were leaders on the left that not only were not trying to quell it, but that were calling it a positive thing.  WAIT?!?!?  WHAT?!?!  Rioting, looting, burning, assault and murder is a good thing?  Are they really saying that?  Holy shit. 

 

Their hatred of Trumps was so much that they considered it better to watch their cities implode than accept help from the Federal government.

 

I was laid off in May, so I’ve had a lot of time to pay attention to all the details around COVID 19 and the rioting.  Who is doing what?  What is saying what?  What is really happening? 

 

When Biden nominated Harris (for clearly political reasons, because the lady called him a racist, was destroyed during the primaries, and doesn’t align with Joe on a lot… among other things) it was clear to me that in 2020 the two-party system had chasmed.  For the first time since I took up my political hobby as a teenager I could see a massive gap between the two parties. 

 

So, what’s going on here?

 

The Republicans fractured but then reunited mostly.  There are some that couldn’t stand with Trump but for the most part the party has united behind him (who saw that coming?).  There has been a defection to the left from some.  And rightly so, because the GOP of today is not the GOP of even 3 years ago.  However interestingly enough, because Trump is a Democrat, the party as a whole has actually shifted more center.  Not something that has happened in a long while.  At the ground level it’s harder to measure because even those who support Trump aren’t verbalizing it. 

 

The Democrats (not politicians) are seeing a defection to the right due to the mainstream party embracing what was once extreme views.  I’ve talked to countless lifetime Democrats that have told me they just have nothing in common with the current DNC.  The ‘walkaway’ movement which is Democrats shifting right to Trump is by contrast very verbal in their reasoning.  I truly believe if the DNC was still the party of Mondale or Clinton (Bill not Hillary) they would not be seeing this exodus.  But the DNC has shifted so for to the extreme that even stalwart Democrats are cringing.

 

So, we have a crossover of support both ways.  Not something you see often.  Actually, if I think about it, I’ve never seen this. 

 

The Democratic party is in full-fledged political mode swaying like a read to position themselves for the votes they want driven by the hatred of Trump.  Policies.. yeah, not this elections cycle.  Their policy is ‘We hate Trump and WE are not Trump”.   The Democratic party has shifted farther left than it’s ever been.  So far left that Bernie became a non-issue because he no longer stood out in the crowd of candidates. 

 

This extreme shift is what has caused the chasm.  Our two-party system, rather than be essentially a one-party system as it has been for decades, really is a two-party system again.  And it has scared me.  See if Biden wins, then the 2020 platform of the left wins.  The platform that used impeachment as a political tool (very bad for our nation as a whole): the platform that destroyed the economy to ‘keep us safe’ from COVID:  the platform that embraced riots as good because it was politically expedient.  The left is so desperate to get Trump out that they are willing to burn down the nation (literally and figuratively) if that is what it takes.  And leaders that are willing win at all cost are beyond dangerous.  The left has demonstrated they are prepared to shred our nation for power. 

 

This is the first election in my life that I believe we are voting for the survival of our nation.  I am voting for Trump.  I have had many people ask me how I could vote for him.  He’s evil, scary, sexist, racist, ect. 

 

Well it’s quite simple really.  First the LP put up Jo Jo who is barely a step above Gary Johnson.  Quite frankly their political candidates make me not want to be libertarian anymore.  Trump isn’t scary to me.  If you ignore his rhetoric, he’s mostly harmless.  Yes, his persona is just beyond anything I ever imagined from a President, but I don’t elect Presidents for their public image.  If public image was my measuring stick, Obama, Reagan, Bush 2, JFK and the like would be my Presidential heroes.  And they aren’t.  Trump is an irreverent ass.  He has thrown the PC book of politics out the window and brought the media and other politicians with him.  Whatever you think of his persona, his persona is not his Presidency, his policies are. 

 

In fact his actual policies (not his Twitter account) are quite conservative.  I don’t have to like him as a person to know that his polices are good for America.  From a strictly domestic policy standpoint, he has been soundly conservative.  For me that is the most shocking fact of his entire presidency. Middle class America has thrived under his policies.  Poor America has improved.  And yes, as everyone points out, wealthy America has grown as well.  I would argue that domestically he has been more conservative than any President since Reagan.  Once again, am I in the Twilight Zone?

 

And I am afraid for our nation should / when the left regains control.  Mostly because at this point, who knows what their actual policies are.  The current nominees sway like reeds in the wind.  They have no defined platform, but only lots and lots of talking points that change with the political tide.  And this is what makes them dangerous.  The political tide of 2020 has been off the charts and the political left have shifted along with them.  There are no standards they hold to except follow the tide to power.  2020 and the insanity I’ve seen are why I’m voting for Donald Trump.  The destruction of America supported by the left this year has struck a chord of fear in me regarding the future of America.  We have been shifting closer and closer to the cliff of empire collapse for decades, but this is the first time I’ve felt we have a party trying to run full speed towards it. 

 

America is an empire.  Like all empires it will eventually become fragile and crumble from within.  We may be on the edge of that collapse now or we may have miles to go, but I’m certainly not going to deliberately vote for a party that is trying to push us to the cliff of internal collapse.  Politicians that have zero principles will follow the river right off the cliff. 

 

And not that all politicians aren’t swayed by the tide of political opinion, but historically they have had certain foundational principles that they would hold to.  But today they are holding to nothing but ‘Trump bad’.  Everything else is up to change if it means they win.

 

I believe the fate of the American empire will inevitably follow the fate of all empires.  But Lord willing not in my lifetime.  You can vote against Trump because you hate his persona, but I’m voting for him because I want America to survive and prosper for my future, my children’s future and my grandchildren’s future.  And this is the first election in my lifetime that I think will actually have a significant impact on the path of America’s future.  Quite frankly, I don’t want to see the end of America in my lifetime. 

 

**Dan Carlin, whom I greatly respect as one the few honest journalist of my lifetime raised two points to consider. 

1)    He believes Trump is capable of pushing us to civil war.  That is a legitimate fear.  But in a time where Ice Cube (the original Fuck The Police gangster) is being lambasted for daring to cross the isle and try to work with the President to better black lives; a time when Democrat supreme Diane Feinstein is lambasted for daring to be civil in the Senate…  I think if we are going there, no one can stop it. 

2)    Nuclear Power ~ he has serious concerns with Trump having the nuclear football.  I don’t share that fear as I think his diatribe is the show and his policy is much more controlled and subdued. 

That being said, in light of my respect for Carlin, I have given these two points fair considerations. 

 

***I shared this with a friend.  She pointed out that from her view, between Trumps persona and Trumps policy, his persona is what stands out as paramount.  She feels it is real hostility and real danger, calculated and with nefarious objectives, not just harmless rhetoric as I have stated here.  I actually agreed with her, that based upon her understanding of Trump’s persona, to vote for him would be wrong.  If she is right than we are hosed no matter who wins. 

A JOURNEY INTO NOTHINGNESS: IN SEARCH OF WHY I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

Two years of silence. Where have I been? Where is my voice?

I wander out to my driveway to find my son napping in the bed of a pickup truck with his girlfriend sitting next to him writing in a journal. I’m talking pen and paper. I felt like I’d stepped back in time. This quaint encounter with a forgotten pastime led to a conversation which reminded me of my days of journaling, letter writing and blogging (none of which I do much of anymore; okay I don’t do it at all anymore). So here I am engaging in the dumping of the chaotic thoughts of my mind onto a media of letters and words that hopefully will make sense to some and possible even engage others. But really I’m hoping to revive in myself the therapeutic pastime of expression.


We are living in the time of COVID 19 hysteria; A ghost virus that has created worldwide fear and panic resulting in the greatest government suppression of freedom of my lifetime. A time preceded by the United States Congressional House of Representatives impeaching the President of the United States for only the third time in United States history. All of this at the beginning of an election year, which certainly has been an unimaginable spin on this election cycle.

We have in the office of President a man, who could be argued, has been the most divisive President of the last 50 years. We have seen the stock market reach record highs only to collapse to levels not seen in three years. And then bounce back up to a happy medium like a rubber ball (still waiting to see how long this bounce lasts). Unemployment going from a record low to very likely the highest level on record.

We live in a time of social media where clips, sound bites, memes and the latest ‘trends’ define who you are. A time when going viral can make or brake a politician, entertainer, businessman or individual. A time when the media, just to keep up with the social media, sensationalizes every inkling of impropriety, proof be damned.

I say this because you would think with all the truly unique things occurring right before my eyes I would have endless things to write about. But I don’t. Sometimes I think it’s because so much noise has been injected into the conversation that it’s just tediousness to try to mill out a real topic to think about. So much has already been said about everything, I’m not sure I have anything to add. And if I do, where to begin. I could go the “Chunk” route (Goonies people) which could be entertaining but also very long and drawn out.

I’ve been a homeowner for 5 years now and a resident of Michigan almost 6 years. It’s been a strange mix of isolation, boredom, insanity, new unimaginable endeavors, and just watching my family grow. My oldest is now 20. A young man doing far better for himself than I was at his age. My middle child is now a teenager and my youngest, well she thinks she’s a teenager.

Life seems to have become less of an adventure and more of a sustainment. Holding the status quo to ensure my family can grow and excel in life. So what is this new, simpler, seemingly mundane life I now lead?

I’d say for the last six years survival at a base level has been the goal. I’ll admit debt has been a big part of the crippling of advancement. I’m happy to say that I’m finally close to being rid of all but a mortgage. Scripture speaks of debt as slavery. But our society thrives on debt, promotes debt, embraces debt as the only way of life. And in the middle of COVID 19 crisis our nation, to emphasize my point, is issuing trillions of dollars in stimulus money (that doesn’t actually exist) created out of thin air. Debt is the national God. And I have (at least in this case) been following the wrong god.

Amidst financial stagnation we managed to help plant a church. That journey began 4 and a half years ago as a simple bible study. Today, by the Grace of God, we are a thriving church able to sustain itself even amidst social isolation, remote worship via technology and mass uncertainty. Why would I plant a church? Why have I dedicated almost 5 years of my life to this venture? I don’t know. It’s been the most draining, yet amazing journey I never could have imagined. And even now, when we can’t physically meet, I’m blown away by this group of strangers who have come together to love, fellowship and care for each other, all in the name of the Grace of Christ our Lord. How did this start in my living room? And why is it succeeding?

BUT GOD….
(maybe I'll expand thoughts on our Church plant another day)

One thing that is still missing in this Midwest dream is the solidarity of unconditional friendship. Not that I don’t have friends here, but there is something to be said about the friends of one’s youth. Friendships forged in countless hours, if not years of time spent together. It’s much harder as a mid 40’s adult with a full time job, wife and kids to dedicate the quality time required to forge those types of friendships. I will say I miss dearly those forged friends whom I do have. One of those friends recently moved much closer (only 3 hours away) but it seems that even a stones-throw away is a daunting chasm when the responsibilities of life bog you down. It’s not that it’s a necessity of life, but rather that it’s nice to have the support such a hardened and raw friendship provides.

So in this time of great unknown; great uncertainty for all the world, I think what I’m seeking is the foundations that have held me up so many times before. The solid rock of Scripture and the infinite wisdom that flows from its pages. The long-suffering and commiserating of forged friends who will share and listen without judgement (because they already know the deep dark secrets of who I am and have helped me ford the quagmires of my past). The solidarity of the family God has blessed me with as we shine brightly carrying each other through the day.

Do I have opinions on Trump, impeachment, the virus, the lock-down, the government, church and state, social distancing, essential vs non-essential workers, killer hornets, and countless other things occurring right now? Absolutely. But it seems right now none of it really matters to me. I’m content to just be an observer. Yeah, the vigorous bullheaded opinionated debater is still there. I feel him dwelling inside me, but he’s just not motivated by this noise.

And in this time where every word is taken out of context, I’m reluctant to give half-hearted analysis. Which may be a truer measure of why I’m mostly silent these days. Even the most basic of concepts requires senior college thesis level of validation. Who has the time or energy for that nonsense? Especially since I’ve long forgotten the proofs for much of the truths I’ve solidified over my life.

It is interesting to sit and watch and see how others engage the chaos. This year has been one great social experiment after another. You couldn’t have asked for a better measure of humanity, human emotion, human fear, human reflex, human response, human compassion, human endurance and many other human factors all rolled into one.

And politically it will be interesting to see if my political instincts hold true in the middle of all this noise. And old friend of mine recently called me the ‘political prophet’ while asking me my opinion of how the 2020 election cycle will pan out. Well sir, time will tell if my forecast will continue to hold true.

“But I’ve said nothing so far… and I can keep it up as long as it takes…” I just re-read this and I really have said nothing. Welcome to the ‘wack-a-mole’ version of my brain. The reality is I’m on the verge of at least a dozen focused thoughts but none of them seem to be winning the day so you are stuck with this chaos. Just imagine what this all looks like to me in the chaotic banks (thank you Sting) of my mind.

I will say this, in this time of chaos, fear, rage, desperation and overall despair, I am none of those things. God is good. He is in control. And the world that everyone is emotionally twisted by, really has little to no impact in the grand scheme of things. What are you afraid of? Why do the nations rage? What is driving your despair? I am amazingly at peace in the knowledge of God’s providence.

And there is really nothing new under the sun. The world has been on the verge of destruction my entire life it seems (or so one would think). To quote one of my favorite ballads from 1964, “You don’t believe, we’re on the eve of destruction”. Well Mr McGuire, half a century later we are still here and kicking.

We will get through this time of uncertainty. But will your friendships? Will you family relationships? Will your job? Your church? Your faith? What is your passion irreparably damaging? What is this time changing in you? What is truly important you?

“May the Grace of our Lord be with you. Now and always may you stay blameless till He comes” The lyrics that pop in my brain out of left field. Not sure I agree with the second part of those lyrics, but certainly I pray the Lord’s Grace to shine upon you. Because in the end, it's not about you or me. It’s about Grace Alone through Faith Alone in Christ Alone to the Glory of God Alone. It’s that free gift of Faith in a loving God who sent His Son to give everything for us while we still hated Him, while we were still sinners in rebellion.

And maybe this is why I have nothing else to say. Because I’m grounded hard in the truth that what really matters isn’t Trump, Covid19, debt, war, unemployment, death, or whatever else has your emotions tied up in knots; what matters is Christ Crucified for guilty and polluted sinners. And while I don’t feel like preaching a sermon, I don’t feel like anything else is worth the time or effort right now. In the words of Solomon “Vanity, Vanity all is vanity, a chasing after the wind”

And yes life feels stagnant and even oppressive, but this too shall pass. So why do I have nothing to say? It seems because God is good and in control and thus I don’t rage, fear, or worry about the things of today; Emotions that in the past would have spurred my writing. Praise be to God for Peace in times of chaos.

**ask me again tomorrow and my answer might have changed, but for tonight this will do

COMMUNION: The Lord's Supper

Communion has been a part of my life as long as I can remember.  But it hasn’t always been a part of my life I understood.  For many years it was just ceremony. 

Growing up a Mormon it was served with white bread and water.  It was something that only a Priesthood holder could lead (if you don’t know the LDS priesthood view, I’m not going to explain it here).  There was something special about it.  While I recognized this, I didn’t truly know why.

I also experience the Catholic version through my Grandmother who was very passionate in her faith and even more passionate in me having my own faith, not just parroting hers. 

In the years of my transition out of Mormonism into Christianity I didn’t go to church or take part in communion.  As I was exploring Christianity trying to find a religion that was actually Biblical, communion wasn’t something I thought much of.  It held no importance to me.  I was so focused on the cerebral theology of it all that I missed the obvious blessing of what Christ had instituted. 

Eventually I did find a religion/church that was Biblical.  And it was a church that was passionate about truth, but also about the sacrament of the Lord’s supper (communion).  It took me by surprise the first Sunday when the Pastor “fenced the table” and warned of taking communion in an unworthy manner.  Talked about things like being a ‘member’ of a Bible believing church.  And then they served wine… in Church..  growing up Mormon this was very odd to me…

It took me a while to understand the Biblical warnings regarding communion.  But it didn’t take long for the significance and power of communion with Jesus, with his sacrifice for me to take hold of me.  Nor did it take long to appreciate the importance of communion in the manner Christ instituted it (bread and wine).    

To hold the bread of His body and cup of His blood even for a few moments, to understand the depth of my sinfulness, the price paid by a Holy God, a sinless innocent man, on my behalf, became the most precious moment of my life each week.  A time when the distractions of life are gone and it’s just me humble and grateful before God that for some reason beyond my comprehension, He chose me before the foundation of the earth.  That even though I had just spent a week in sin, He only saw me through the blood of Christ, cleansed and Holy.  It truly is just a few moments of time, but a time I looked forward to every week. 

I’m a cerebral, logical passionate thinker.  Many would call me cold and without emotion.  But through the Sacrament Christ prepared before His death, I’ve come closer to understanding my relationship with God, than through all the countless hours of study I’ve spent in God’s Word.  It truly is food for the starving soul in need of salvation.  It brings the sacrifice off the pages into your hands and then into your body and soul.    

For 4 years now I’ve lived in a place where at best, the frequency of the Church offering sacrament to its members is once a month and at worst quarterly or semi-annually.  The argument is that if you have the Sacrament weekly it becomes less special.  An argument that still just baffles me.  How can the meal instituted by Christ as a Holy Sacrament to remind us of Him be made less special? 

And so the blessed meal that I had grown to love each week was not available here. 

Starving is the only word to describe the hole this has left in me these four years.  Because even at once a month, you could miss that week and now it becomes two month, or longer.  And I can say with all honesty that my walk with Christ has suffered because of it.  My acknowledgment of my need for Christ has diminished absent of the reminder that Christ provided.  

Now I am engaged in church plant.  Soon Good Shepherd Presbyterian Church will welcome into membership its congregation and we will partake in the glorious sacrament of communion.  And then week after week, that precious moment where I sit and remember how much I truly need Christ as my savior will once again be a blessing in my life.  And I pray that God will continue to bring me to my knees in reverence by His Grace and grow my understanding of the depth of my need for Salvation.

“This is the body, was broken for you, this is the blood that was shed

This is the body now risen to glory, this is the wine and the bread

This is the body now wounded for sin

This is the blood that did flow

This is the body, now risen eternal, this is the seed that was sown

‘Do This in Remembrance of Me’

Remember His work and His life and His sacrifice

‘Do This in Remembrance of Me’

Remember His joy and His pain all for sinners gain

These are the scars on Your hands and Your side, this is the now empty tomb

This is the garden You suffered alone, will of the Father to do

This is the wood of the cross raised up high

These are the nails of Your hands

This is the body, was broken for you, Lord, Son of God, Son of Man

‘Do This in Remembrance of Me’

Remember His work and His life and His sacrifice

‘Do This in Remembrance of Me’

Remember His joy and His pain all for sinners gain”

THE FAMILY UNION

My life has always been full of unique experiences.  I’ve often said, in all sincerity, that if you documented my life and that of my family, it would be better than any soap opera.  I feel blessed to have seen the many sides of life good and bad.  It’s given me a greater appreciation for the simple side of life that I now enjoy. 

But recently I’ve experience the most surreal event in my already bizarre life.  I had the privilege of attending ‘Decedents of Inez Claire Walker Family Union’.  It’s not a reunion, as many of us were meeting for the first time.  Simply a Union of brothers, sisters and cousins who never knew each other existed. 

I can’t say much about my grandmother, other than to say she had many children who never knew each other.  You dear reader can take that to mean whatever you want. 

My father grew up knowing he had been adopted.  At some point he learned that he had an older brother also given up for adoption.  No one who was actually there would share the true story so through the years we have pieced together the puzzle, making many errors along the way. 

A decade ago he finally found his older brother.  I met uncle Bill only once since then, but I’ve had the honor of growing close to his daughter, my cousin Natalia.  We connected instantly and it’s been as if we’ve always known each other ever since. 

We had solved the puzzle and moved on with life at that point.  I don’t think anyone expected to ever learn anything more about Grandma Inez and her life. 

My wife is Puerto Rican.  Being that the Caribbean has been conquered by many different people she was curious about her own heritage.  She’s been bugging me for many moons to take the DNA test with her so she could learn more about her ancestors.  Earlier this year she finally talked me into doing so for our Anniversary. 

While her results were interesting and enlightening my results were down right shocking.  Apparently I’m 48% Scandinavian.  Scandinavian?  What? Did I miss something here?  Now much of that can be attributed to my Mormon roots from my mother.  Apparently there was a mass migration into the Mormon church by Scandinavians.  Only 26% Irish, not quite the Celtic foundation one expects with a name like O’Brien.  Irish nonetheless. 

But the true shock came when a ‘second cousin’ identified by the DNA contacted me.  She told me her mother was adopted (hmmm) and had been looking for family her whole life.  We started conversing and digging into the mystery of DNA.  We soon determined with certainty that her mother was my dad’s little sister.  A sister he never knew he had.  Suddenly I had an Aunt and 4 Cousins that I hadn’t had just days earlier. 

At first there was denial.  All evidence to the contrary, I was just not accepting of the facts that were before me.  But the puzzle pieces kept falling into place revealing one layer after another.  So now what?  Not really a conversation I wanted to have over the phone with my father.  “Hey Dad, it’s been a while.  Oh by the way, I think I’ve found your sister that you never knew you had. How’s it going?” 

So I called my sister.  We talked for a bit and she agreed since she lives 5 minutes from Dad to share the news.  He took it well.  Maybe he always suspected he might have more siblings.  I don’t know.  Ironically his wife had bought him a DNA test months earlier that he’d been sitting on.  So he took it finally. 

While waiting for his results another sister was found.  Younger than the others.  Another distant cousin I found had mapped out the whole tree of Grandma Inez.  And DNA brought forth the next sister. 

Me being me, I inquired of the lady if she knew anything about Grandma Inez and why.  She didn’t take it well and really decided quickly that she didn’t like me. 

 About that time Dad’s DNA results came through confirming beyond all doubt that he has two sisters.  So now what? 

Well, my newly found, very ambitious cousin decided we ALL needed to get together.  And in short order had us all booked for the first ever “Decedents of Inez Walker Family Union”. 

We all came together with life stories.  It seems that all of us have lived challenging lives.  But we all also brought with us pieces of the puzzle.  At first there was caution.  We were all strangers with only our DNA as a connection.  But very quickly the walls of caution came down and we found ourselves actively sharing the mystery that is our lives. 

We came with different parents, different stories, different faiths, different biases, different understanding of the truth, yet none of that seemed to matter as we united as ONE family. 

There was much laughter, joy, and sorrow.  Some deep wounds were opened and covered with the comfort found by unconditional acceptance and love.  It was bonding at an incredibly rapid rate.  One of the surprised to come out of the weekend is the knowledge that there are two more siblings.    

I won’t say there aren’t still wounds that need healing.  But I know we can do that together. 

I’ll not be sharing the history of our lives here, for that is not my story to tell.  But I will say the children and grandchildren of Inez Claire Walker were a family for the first time ever that weekend and it was a wonderful, joyous and very SURREAL event. 

I don’t know what the future holds for any of us.  I’m certain that all of our lives are forever changed.  I pray that we don’t let the momentum of this amazing Union fade, but rather use this as a springboard to pursuing deeper relationships with our newfound family.  It’s so easy to get distracted by life.      

So to the siblings, Bill, Pat (Dad), Karen and Linda: I’m so excited that you have all discovered each other, even if it took 6+ decades.  I’m very happy to have an Uncle and two Aunts.  To the cousins, Shannon, Sam, Jason, Natalia, Kathryn, and Sean (that would be me), and Katie: let’s not worry about the lives we lived before we knew each other, but rather find ways to pursue relationships with each other so that we can celebrate the lives we have with each other now. 

And to my little brother who couldn’t make it, I hope you get to meet our family someday.  They are a special group of people that I’m blessed to finally know. 

I started this diatribe talking about the crazy life I’ve lived.  I thought I had reached a point in life where I was past all the surprising moments.  But alas the most SURREAL event of all just happened and I can say the Union Of the Decedents of Inez Walker was one of the best weekends of my life.  So here is to my grandmother whose very mysterious life has impacted her decedents profoundly.  I’m glad we finally found each other.  We may never know the whole truth of your life, but we are all now family, and for that I thank you.  

He can sing now!

“Today you will be with me in Paradise”  Those are the words Jesus spoke to the thief on the cross next to him.  Tuesday Duane Vedders was taken home to paradise.  I’ve been thinking all week about what I could say about him. 

I had a whole slew of thoughts.  But today as we gathered to celebrate his life, only one phrase seemed worthy.  He was a man of God. 

I didn’t know him as a pastor or as a mentor or father or leader.  He was my friend, and I’m grateful that God blessed me with the honor of calling him friend. 

If you knew Duane then I don’t have to tell you about him.  I pray that my life is half as fulfilling and touches a fraction of the lives that Duane touched. 

There was a passage Duane wanted preached as his eulogy. I’ll share it here and nothing more. 

“Oh, that my words were written!
Oh, that they were inscribed in a book!
²⁴ That they were engraved on a rock
With an iron pen and lead, forever!
²⁵ For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
²⁶ And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,
²⁷ Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!"

You've been Trump'ed

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trump-voters-will-not-like-what-happens-next/2016/11/09/e346ffc2-a67f-11e6-8fc0-7be8f848c492_story.html


Articles like this demonstrate that not only do they not get it, but they are not even trying to get it. And insinuating that Trump was elected by a bunch of uneducated buffoons, is patently untrue and insulting to the middle class who looked at their life under the establishment and en mass voted against the establishment.


They voted for the non-establishment. They voted for change that the electorate on both sides has been seeking for a very long time. Obama ran on Change 8 years ago and won. Though all he did was deepen government control of our lives. No real change was forthcoming.


Now Trump ran on change and won as well. Will America actually get change this time? Who knows. What I do know is that Americans loudly and clearly voted against
-democrats
-republicans
-pollsters
-biased media
-the 'establishment'


They voted for a candidate who fits nowhere on the 3x5 card of approved and allowable political opinion. The Republicans tried to stop him. The media tried to stop him. Democrats tried to stop him. He shredded their cards of political pandering and political correctness. And America embraced him for it.


I am one of the 'uneducated'. I was never brainwashed by collegiate professors. I've studied politics, history and economics on my own most of my life. I did not vote in ignorance and I did not vote the lesser of two evils. I am a principled voter and always vote my conscience.


Trumps rhetoric doesn't scare me. I'm interest to see if a man, who has never been a bureaucrat, who can't be bough, is not beholden to political parties or lobbyist and who isn't interested in PC non-sense, can effect change in a system grounded in over a century of political corruption, power grabbing and freedom destruction.


And if he can't impact the system, if there is no change forthcoming, then the future truly is bleak. Because this means the path we are on, the path that Hillary wanted us to continue on, is unavoidable.


And pundits like the guy who wrote this article will never see the path of destruction the establishment has us on until it's too late. All he can see is that a bunch of 'uneducated' folk voted against his perspective.


Trump won because the concept of a Great America, the America we grew up believing in, is something we long for as we watch our nation slide deeper and deeper into PC, liberal oblivion.


Trump has shaken the establishment, leaving everyone scrambling for footing. He has left a trail of political destruction in his wake and both parties are at a loss as to what to do. He's violated every political rule written and proved how meaningless their rule book is. He did the exact opposite of what everyone said he should do, and now he is the President Elect.


I have no idea what type of President he will be. But if he can continue to tear down the establishment and expose their corruption I'm looking forward to the ride.

Two Score and many moons ago.......

Two Score ago in the Los Angeles suburb of Huntington Park the Lord brought me into this world.  40 Years old today.  My wife always says, “Getting old sucks”.  But I sit here pondering the notion, “Am I old?”  I don’t feel old.  But I don’t feel young either.  And in reality, if the average age American’s live to be 80, I’m really only half way there.  I still have a whole life to live again before I die (potentially).  Hmm.. Better start taking care of this shell of a body I will be stuck in for the next 40 or so years (potentially). 

Born into what has been labelled Generation X, because apparently we are so unoriginal we couldn’t come up with a cool name like “Baby Boomer” or “Millennial”.  No, we are the X as in the designation you give as a placeholder when you don’t know what the actual designation will end up being.  We are just that much of a mystery.  Then again it really was the Baby Boomers that likely named us, so maybe they are just that confounded by us and we are just stuck with the X moniker due to their lack of understanding or creativity.  I like that version of the story better, so I’m sticking with blaming the Baby Boomers.  Thanks Dad (and the rest of your generation of course).     

In the 90’s we were called the “Friends generation: rather self-involved and perhaps aimless.. but fun”.  I like that ‘but fun’ part.  I’d hate to think we are the boring generation, though I will say that lately it does feel that way.  The fun is being sucked out of us by technology, the Millennials and the SJW’s.  All while the Baby Boomers are saying, “What have we done? Oh well, that’s Generation X’s problem now.  Let’s go enjoy retirement and watch the show. You bring the popcorn, and I’ll bring the beer.”  But we are the ‘Fun’ generation dammit.  Why do we have to fix it?  Maybe if we ignore it long enough it will become the Millennials problem. Yeah, that’s a good plan.  Keep kicking that can down the road J

My generation is the last to grow up in a world that wasn’t inundated with internet based technology.  We are living through the transition and pondering how the Millennials will ever grow and experience life (or life as we see it) while strapped to technology.  We reminisce about the simpler days of cassette tapes, vhs, and only “13 channels of shit on the TV to choose from” (thank you Pink Floyd for giving me that line to plagiarize); Days when you went outside because there was, literally nothing to do inside.  I mean really, how many times can you watch Dirty Dancing on VHS (maybe its better not to ask that question)?     

But none of this really tells you about me.  And it’s my birthday so today is all about me.  How humble of me, right?  So what about me?  Let’s see, the story of my life.  My Dad’s parents were Irish Catholic (Grandfather was number 16 of 17 kids I’m told, grew up in Ireland making me only second generation American on Dad’s side).  My Mom’s parents were what I affectionately call European mutts.  Mormon by faith and I believe, though I’d have to ask, that they have been on this continent much longer.  Growing up I was raised in the Mormon faith (mostly) except when I was not going to church at all, or attending a local Christian Church with my siblings (more on that later), or a Catholic Church with my Grandmother (my Grandfather having long since died when I was about 1 I think.. Hey can you tell me what was going on in your life when you were 1..  I think not…).  Or when I was being taught about the Jewish faith of my stepmother (or so she always claimed, I only saw her in a church on her wedding day).  I guess in reality I was a religions mutt as well with strong Mormon leanings.  I remember very clearly one day starting to pray the Catholic “Grace” and being chastised by my Grandmother.  “This is not your faith Sean.  You must practice YOUR faith”.  My faith?  If I know nothing else about Grandma, I know she was passionate about her faith.  Interestingly the division of faith or lack thereof in my family eventually instilled in me a passion for truth about God.    

My parents divorced when I was too young to remember.  My father remarried and suddenly I went from having 1 older sister to 5 older siblings.  And my little brother (or half-brother if you are keeping track) soon followed.  That made 7 of us total.  Interesting enough he married our best friend’s mother.  We went from being friends to siblings in one set of “I do’s”.  A few years later my mother also remarried but never had any more children.  Oh yeah, and many many years later my father married again adding 3 more children to the sibling pool of now 10 (though one is no longer with us).  So the Family Bush (my Dad’s coined term for us) can be rather confusing.  There will be a test later. 

The first 5 years of my life was relatively stable and normal (in a sense).  We lived in one of my grandfather’s 7 homes (Mom, Sister and I) which was right next door to Dad and Grandma.  So I sorta had both of my parents at first.  But then the great city of Huntington Park decided, via Right of Eminent Domain, that my grandmother no longer needed her homes she had lived in and owned for over 3 decades.  This was the end of relative stability in my life for many many years to come. 

Soon my mother had moved to Las Vegas of all places and my father was remarried and oh yeah I had a lot more siblings.  And my little brother who was so cute until his 1^st birthday, which happened to be 3 days before my 6^th birthday.  I’m uber (such a millennial word, I know) excited because it’s my birthday party and for some reason I have two birthday cakes on the table.  Then reality set in and I realized it wasn’t all for me.  I don’t know if it was just my perception or if I truly was mostly ignored that day because of the excitement of a one year olds birthday, but I do recall being very sad and lonely on the front porch all alone.  And we’ve been sharing birthdays ever since.  Which was actually very cool in later years when instead of a party, our parents would just drop the two of us off at Magic Mountain for the day, just the two of us. 

From age 5 to age 20 I moved 13 times.  I slept anywhere and everywhere, very heavily I might add, but that’s a story for another time, or you can just ask my Dad who tried to wake me up ‘once.. just once’ (Nick… what movie?).  My favorite sleeping arrangement in those years was the bathroom which my Dad started to remodel but never finished.  I grabbed a mattress and made it my own.  I enjoyed having my ‘own’ space until he kicked me out to finish remodeling it. 

I’ve often thought of my youth as a Soap Opera.  You just never knew what life experience might come your way.  And it’s seemed to run the gambit in that short 15 year span from 5 to 20.  We were a no holds barred type of family.  And each of us contributed to the adventure in both good and bad ways that even now seems less than real to me, but more of a Soap Opera. 

Overall I was a shy but tough kid.  I had to be with 5 older siblings.  I may not have won physically but I could mess with their heads with the best of them.  To this day my brother still tells me I’m the most stubborn person he’s ever known.  Though you would think that at some point self-preservation would have kicked in; it didn’t and I never stopped pushing buttons and they never stopped getting mad at me for it.  I’m amazed to this day I never broke a bone or ended up in the hospital for something (other than getting hit by a car while riding my brother’s bike racing my other brother).  I did develop quite the level of pain tolerance (though not as much as my favorite Kraut Gunther).  I’m not saying we didn’t love each other; we just had a rough way of showing it.

‘Pain Therapy’ (a tough family) taught me not to fear much in the world, which probably was stupid because I lived in a dangerous place.  I was jumped more times than I want to recall just because I was white (and a skinny white guy at that).  And I didn’t even like fighting outside of my home unless I felt truly threatened.

In summary I guess my childhood was a strange mix of everything.  It gave me a sarcastic and somewhat irreverent appreciation for most of life’s situations.  ‘Laugh, Cry or Scream”, I usually choose laugh which really irks some people. 

I survived my childhood, graduated high school with a superbly impressive “at best” C average.  It might not have even been that good.  It wasn’t really a priority for me back then.  I then proceeded to have no idea what to do with my life. 

I moved out of my Dad’s house and procedure to jump from sofa to bed to sofa to bed in a very nomadic lifestyle.  Thank you all who shared a sofa or bed with me in those years.  It was a blissful life of no real responsibility, yet at the same time truly unfulfilling.  Thought I did find my first ‘wife’ in one of those beds.  Now what fun would it be if I actually explained that to you?

Religion almost led me on a Mormon mission, but instead drove me to further despair and eventually the Navy.  It was the most memorable moment of pride for my father to see me off into the military.  I will admit it was his pride in my efforts that carried me through much of my Navy career.  It certainly was my stature.  skinny runt like me…  somehow I lost out in the gene pool here.. seriously, have you met my Dad?   How did I end up a skinny twig?  My dad gave me a watch once.  I could wear it around my bicep.  Hmm.. yeah, something not right there…

I ended up joining the Navy as whim.  My ‘buddy’ talked me into joining with him and then bailed at the last minute.  But I went through with it because I had nothing better to do.  Signed away 6 years of my life to indentured servitude.  The Navy showed me that I could hold my own against some of the smartest men/women to enter the military.  It also showed me that my disdain for authority held no bounds.  Much endurance was required to survive both of those truths. 

The Navy was a very interesting 6 years.  God was working in me to change my heart and lead me to Him, all while I was rebelling against the faith of my youth, the authority that was over me and the morals I had been taught.  I lived many lives in a very short period of time (much like my childhood). 

By the time I got out I was definitely a Reformed Christian, though I had no idea that there was such a thing as a Reformed Christian.  Shortly after I got out two friends changed my life. 

First Bill invited me to Branch of Hope where for the first time in my life I heard a purely Biblical sermon.  2 years later (I had to be sure) I joined the church and was blessed by my membership there for many many years.

Second Jen nagged me into talking to the woman who was to become my wife.  This is the story of why you never say never to God.  By the Grace of God I fell in love with a woman who was everything I wasn’t looking for.  He changed her heart as well and here we are 13 years later going strong. 

We were married by Pastor Paul Viggianno.  My pastor, mentor, counselor and friend.  We both grew in knowledge and spirit under the leadership of Branch of Hope.  Our family grew from three to five.  We lived in virtual poverty for much of that time, but God blessed us with good friends and enough to get by. 

And most of that time we knew we wanted to escape Los Angeles to a place more affordable.  But Michigan was definitely not on any list of mine as an option.  I tried to move many times to places that were on my list, but was thwarted every time.  But then God opened a door and shoved me through it and so here I am in Michigan.  How did I get here?  I don’t know.  But I’ve been blessed with a beautiful home, great neighbors and Godly friends.  The miracles of the last two years still astound me.  But God is good.

Today…  Our family is growing and thriving in Michigan.  My eldest is growing into a young man.  He started his senior year of high school.  My little ones are developing friendships I’m certain will last many years.  My wife is engaging Godly women.  My job is excelling even amongst new challenges daily.  I’ve been blessed to share the gospel with many people since moving here and am no actively engaged in the leadership of a church plant.  I’M IN A CHURCH PLANT.  How does that happen?

So what was the point of this rant?  No point, it’s my birthday and I wanted to rant.  Sometimes it’s good to just let the words flow.  It's good to remember the life I've been blessed to live.  I've seen 38 of the 50 states, sailed around the world, visited countries I never dreamed of visiting, Had friends and relationships that I never could have planned on, suffered much, lost much, gained even more, loved, hated, blessed, offended, helped, hurt, grown, regressed, regretted, appreciated and much much more.  In all this I've been amazed to study my fellow man and to learn about humanity and God's impact on us all.  

To those who have shared a portion of this journey of life with me..  Thank you for being a part of my life.  I know each and every one of you has touched me and have contributed to the man I am today. 

So here is to the next 40 years.  May the second half of my life be full.  May God continue to teach me and care for me as closely in this half as He has the first half.  This half of my life will let me see my children grow into adults and become husbands, wives and parents.  And the great bulk of this half will be spent growing in Christ with my wife whom God has blessed me with.  Here is to a whole life ahead of me.