California Prop 8

Let me start by saying that I'm a God fearing Christian. As such, you can probably guess how I'm voting on Prop 8. But this isn't about my view of the issue. If someone wants to discuss my view of the issue, just send me an e-mail and I'll be happy to engage. A very old friend of my sent me an e'mail regarding her view of Prop 8. I may not agree with her but I've decided to share it hear. It was intended by her, to be heard by the masses.

So without any adieu and with names edited, here be her story.

I'M GETTING MARRIED by an old friend
I’m getting married. Not right now, but I actually want that prospect and it wasn't always this way.

When I was younger –5, 6, 7ish—my mom made a comment.

“Aye, my girl. You’d better marry a doctor or lawyer because you’re too expensive.”

To put the comment in context, my family was poorish, but my mom allowed my bro and me to each get one thing just for ourselves from the grocer every few weeks when we went shopping. My brother went for the sugary things like Apple Jacks, Cocoa Pebbles and Fruit Roll-Ups. Me: I gravitated towards Musilx cereal, import salami and shi-shi cheeses –the more expensive things, hence the “you’re too expensive” remark.

Why do I have to get married to get cheese, I thought. I’ll just be a doctor or lawyer and get everything myself.

Get-it-myself and do-it-myself pretty much summarized my M.O. and it was in that moment on that “marriage” wasn't for me.

Over the years my mom would tease me by saying things like “I going to get Mariachis for your wedding” and “I’m going to give you my wedding ring, but you better not loose it like your earrings.” She’d imagined my wedding and the happiness was visible in her dreamy eyes, her relaxed posture and heard in the ease of her breathing. She was sad/ depressed/ anxious so often for years and years… I did the "Snoopy dance" inside when she was happy. Those times when she was happy BECAUSE of me… I LOVED making mi chiqita happy.

Then one day during my 10th and 11th grade year (15, 16ish), I made her unhappy; very unhappy to the point of distress. Something came on TV. A public service announcement maybe. Something about treating people who are different than you equally. My bro and mom began throwing around the word “faggot”. A cold sinking feeling came over me, but I said in a clear and firm voice what I’d said only to myself the summer between 5th and 6th grade year: “I’m gay.”

“You’re WHAT? WHAT? REALLY? No you're not,” my bro said in an pubescent voice that hop-scotched four octaves.

“Oh no. But I had a GIRL,” was all I remember my mom saying as her voice began to crack.

In realizing I'd pushed my mom to tears… in realizing that she confused being gay with wanting a sex change… in realizing that I was not AB-SO-LUTE-LY CERTAIN that I was gay, I quickly ended the hysterics by saying “I’m just kidding” and went to my room to cry and find my resolve. For the remainder of high school I had a smattering of boyfriends and spent those years praying myself into migraine headache-inducing frenzies that at the end of “confusing” adolescence, I’d be normal; be straight; not gay. Not,
not,
not.

I was banking that KROQ’s Loveline radio show hosts Dr. Drew and The Poorman were right: adolescence could be a confusing period for some teenagers and the majority of people are not gay. I refused to be gay and I was going to not give my mom a reason to cry out of her shame of me.

“God, you’re so Mexican,” she said one night as I cracked open and ate salted peanuts from their shells with one hand and shoved in my mouth a tamale with the other. “I didn’t raise you to be a Mexican.”

“You can’t help who you are,” I said both laughing and dismayed. She was quite thoroughly brainwashed as a little girl by orphanage nuns in 1950's New Mexico and in the resulting assimilation, Azucena de Jesus became a more socially acceptable “Susie”. We are who we are and it was the truth.

Early in college, I met my first girlfriend. In our 3-year relationship (and those ensuing), I learned the difference between infatuation, admiration, an arraignment-of-convenience and a love that heals profound emotional wounds. I am still learning the difference between "baggage" I can work with and "deal-breaking" characteristics/habits I, personally, cannot.

My dad told me a few weeks ago that my bro and his girlfriend of two years, Jen, were planning to get married and I was THRILLED. Even strangers could see very clearly that they were happy and "right" for each other. But I also felt a sober sadness. Ever since I attempted to assert myself in my teens, my mom stopped teasing me about getting married. After dad told me about the engagement, he headed out of the room, but stopped to add one more thing in his halting, pensive way.

“You know, life has its ups and downs. Your mom and I know this and without her, I don’t know where I’d be… Life is just better when you have someone to share it with, ok, knucklehead?”

I don’t know exactly what he intended; whether he was trying to convince himself that it’s ok to let go of his little boy who became a full-on man before his eyes or whether he was, in a gentle way, trying to bring to my attention that I am a difficult person. (I use “complex,” but I’m not disputing the latter.)

What I DO dispute is that marriage and the family unit is threatened by activist judges pressured by radical activist gays and lesbians. (Well, I consider myself “cool” not so much radical, but then again I can be pretty awesome, so maybe “radical” is appropriate after all!)

For real though: marriage and families are in jeopardy because of my very delayed day-dreams of getting married to a woman by a judge in the awe-inspiring and ornate rotunda of San Francisco’s City Hall? My little girly dream of donning an elegant, flowing dress (sans the fluff) or maybe a couture, fitted tux before a small group of family and friends threatens or is a affront to the marriage of James and Alice NeedToMindTheirOwnBusiness in Weed, CA? Hope for my independent, personal growth means less or a flimsy happiness for my bro? Me: having a “wedding” to get “married” instead of having a “same-sex union” to get “domestically partnered” will continue societal “destabilization”? I didn’t know I had so much influence! Perhaps it could be put to greater good by fixing the economy (because measures and propositions curtailing, rescinding and/or preventing the expansion of civil liberties tend to come before voters during periods of prolonged, wide-spread economic disruption --um, like now).

What’s actually exaggerated are the claims that 1.) all places of worship will be forced to perform gay marriages, 2.) churches will loose their tax-exempt status if they refused to do so and the latest unfounded fear message is that 3.) little impressionable kids are going to be taught about gay marriage. All three are compelling lies, but lies none-the-less (check www.hrc.org or www.eqca.org or even the California State Secretary Deborah Bowen’s website searching key words like voting, 2008 General Election, proposition 8).

The claim about the kids really gets me. My mom and dad weren’t taught one way or the other about marriage –interracial (such as theirs) or otherwise –during the not-too-distant past when people risked being disowned for what is now a common feature in American society. Me: all I know is that I want to be with someone who accepts the grand majority of "me" for an indefinite amount of time to raise well-adjusted, thoughtful, expressive little people so they can grow-up and make their own honorable place in life. And rub my corns when I'm old and too arthritic to do so myself.

My point: Vote NO on Prop. 8 because it will take away a civil right that I,
and all California gays and lesbians just got (with help from moderate-conservative Regan Era appointed judges, by the way).

I didn’t poll all the gays and lesbians in CA, so I can only speak for myself: I have as much intention to mess-up/ disrespect/ undermine marriage as what my dad had in mind when he slid a ring on my mom’s finger 35-years-ago at the start of a marriage as controversial then as what gay marriage is now.

“Mi chiqita, I like Jen. I think she’s a nice person and she makes Keith happy, but, uh, you’re still giving me your ring, right?”

My mom’s ring is an almost gaudy, thick 24k gold band with a diamond bling-bling rock securely fastened to it. It’s so not my style, but in my mind it’s inextricably associated with her. I see it and I remember singing next to her in church when I was small (ok; smallER), and it reminds me that time passes quickly and I won’t have my parents forever.

She reassured me it’s mine, but also mentioned that she won’t be on-hand to see me get married to the woman who "really does it for me" like Jen does for Keith. Although I want the ring for sentimental reasons, I’d rather have my mom at my wedding. You voting NO on Prop. 8 gives me time to get a very stubborn, traditional Catholic woman to “come around” and embrace a more inclusive definition of marriage. –Hey, she referred to my recent ex as my “partner”. As sterile as the term is, it actually means progress.


p.s.: for more info on how you (even if you're out-of-state or ineligible to vote) can help the NO on Prop 8 campaign go to:
http://www.noonprop8.com/

Early voting is now underway in L.A. County at the Norwalk County Clerk's office (M-F; 8am to 5pm) until Nov. 3rd, btw.

Another Year Older and Deeper In Debt

"You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store"

I've been on the tail end of debt for some time now. This year I've been blessed with a new job and greater financial freedom. For the first time in a long time I'm beginning to whittle down the great debt monster. So just as I'm beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel the economic bubble bursts.

Our nation is in a downward spiral that no "bailout" the gov't can conceive will fix. I've expected this for a long time. I was just hoping to have my hedge built before the tidal wave hit. My hedge is small and I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried.

I do have some positive things going for me. I work in a good industry. I am in management which means I've managed to elude the massive layoff's of the past few months. I have a good head on my shoulder and many people in high places whom believe in me. I'm sure I'll weather the financial meltdown of 08' but I can't help but wish I had a little more time to build that hedge.

I'm sitting here wondering if I had a point to my banter. Sixteen Ton's popped into my head. A great old song that reminds me of my childhood. Thinking about the lyrics brought our current "debt" financed society to mind. What ever happened to savings? What ever happened to only buying what you can afford? My Grandpa bought 7 houses in cash. I doubt he ever paid for anything with credit. Maybe if he hadn't died when I was one he could have taught me the value of savings and living within your means. But that is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, and I'm still paying for it. At this rate I'll be paying for it till the turn of the decade. My Dad never learned that lesson from Grandpa. He had a fully paid for home, courtesy of my Grandma, and he mortgaged it for spending cash. Borrow and pay, borrow and pay. What a scam.

Went shopping for Halloween Costumes today. There is another racket. Why do I want to pay $30 for a costume my kid is going to wear once for about 3 hours. Multiply that by three kids and you get $30/hour to trick or treat. Are you kidding me. Now i'm sitting here thinking about the next racket (Christmas).

Don't get me wrong, I"m Christian, I love my God, but Christmas isn't about Christ anymore, it's about Santa Clause and buying gifts for everyone you know under the sun and corny songs and Pine trees wrapped in lights waiting to start a fire.

On a brighter note, last week the Sherrif finally locked my brother out of the family estate. They just shook their heads as they walked through the house amazed at what my brother has done to the place. When I showed up to meet the Sherrif Chris had all of the Estate appliances (washer, dryer, ect) on the lawn with FOR SALE signs on them. Apparently he's been having frequent yard sales lately selling off his mothers things. What a smuck.

The neighbors were overjoyed that the house was finally empty. One ran to the hardware store to buy bolts and locks for the garage, another helped me change the locks, another helped move all the furniture back into the yard.

I'm having the broken front window boarded up tomorrow. And I'm ready to call in the calvary to throw all the junk left behind away as soon as the 15 day post eviction waiting period is up. The house will be up for sale soon. Thank God for small (and large) miracles.
One of the neighbors is already showing interest (he told me and Kathryn two months ago that he's not interested, but we better. He's wanted this property for over a decade). He pounced on the realtors the second they arrived.

Vicki will be visiting next weekend. I wonder if you are allowed to take human remains on a plane. I hope so cause my wife is really anxious to be rid of Theresa's ashes. Most of the time I don't even remember they are there, but my wife seems haunted by them.

Well, now that I know there is no point to all of this I'll say goodbye.

NONE OF THE ABOVE

I wrote this earlier today, but just now found this 16 minute speech by Ron Paul. I think he makes the point much better than I do.
http://cspanjunkie.org/?p=459
If you are still here you can read my initial post below.

In the 80's Richard Prior and John Candy starred in a movie called Brewster's Millions. One of the gimmicks of this instant millionaire was to run a campaign for "NONE OF THE ABOVE".

As a kid I found it funny, as an adult I find it an acceptable slogan. Who shall I vote for? NONE OF THE ABOVE. And in the great state of California my vote will be discarded if I write in a candidate. So because my choice isn't 'officially' listed on the ballot, my vote is invalid.

So what shall I do? I could do as I've done in the past and vote for "the lesser of two evils". That seems to be the popular thing to do. I could join the majority of Americans who chose not to vote. I could write in the Candidate I believe is best for myself, my children and my country, knowing my vote will be cast away. I could vote for a third party candidate whom isn't as scary as the majority party candidates, and is at least closer to my views.

The short term net result of what I do is simple; One of two men, neither of whom will better America, will become President.

Could my choice have a long term effect? Can my generation work to escape the two party trap we have lived in for most of our nations history? If not, our gov't will continue to grow, a house with no foundation. And we will continue to be the camel of the world carrying an enormous burden until finally the straw will break our back.

So, I won't tell you who to vote FOR, but who not to vote for. Vote NONE OF THE ABOVE (Democrat or Republican). For a vote for either of the two majority party candidates is a vote for more gov't, more layers of straw on our backs.

Don't do this for yourself. Do it for your children, grandchildren, and future generation who will inherit the burden we give them, just as we have inherited the burden our fathers left us. And maybe someday the silent majority will follow our lead and help vote out the two party system.

A DAY AT THE BEACH

My wife's niece came to visit us for 3 weeks. She comes every year.

On her last day hear I decided a day at the beach would be nice. We drive down to the beach and have to hike in about 400 yards. The whole way they are griping and moaning. I made them carry things, like towels and boogie boards (so heavy). By the time we arrived at a clear spot on the beach I was so annoyed I was ready to leave. Eventually the chaos settled and the water was calling. I ran down to my old friend (the great Pacific Ocean) and dove in with gusto. Swam out, body surfed back in. It was a glorious time.



As I came back in to shore I was walking towards my wife and Caleb who was not liking the moving water when I felt my pocket. In the chaos and annoyance of the kids wining I had completely forgot to take my keys and phone out of my pocket. FYI Saltwater and Cell phones are a bad combination. On a brighter note, both keys and phone stayed in my pocket and were not swallowed by the ocean.

So I spent a whole week without a cell phone. It wasn't as bad as I thought. But alas, today I bought a new electronic leash.

Anyone reading who actually knows me, please call me or e'mail you phone number since I lost almost everyones number.

STANDING OUTSIDE THE FIRE!

I've been at my new job about 3 months now. I'm just getting settled in. I'm developing good rapport with my my guys. I'm loving the swing shift. And truthfully my job is easy.

Now I've been asked to step into a different role. It's day shift which mean I have to start waking up to alarm clocks again. And it's way more stressful that what I do now.

There is actually a long list of pros and cons for both positions. I guess I'm just reluctant to change when I'm just getting used to what I'm doing and I know there is still so much to accomplish with my guys. I'm reluctant to jump back into the stressful life of planning and scheduling. I'm enjoying the stress free life and was looking forward to enjoying the stress free life for at least a season.

Actually it has been a season. OK I was looking forward to the stress free life for more than one season.

I've already decided to accept the new position. I'm mourning the anticipated loss of the easy life. But you can't move forward in life by sitting in the path of least resistance. "Life is not tried, it is merely survived, if you're standing outside the fire." So back to the forge I go.

Wish me luck.

DEATH OF THE KING

2 years ago my wife and I went out to buy a new bed. She was pregnant with Caleb and with her growing belly we just didn't fit together on a full sized matress. We only wanted to upgrade once so we decided bigger was better. After a lengthy discussion we decided a King over a California King would be better. The reason being is my skinny self sprawls out and takes up lots of space, so we chose the widest bed on the market.

Recently we've been bed cover shopping and much to my chagrin we've found that it is impossible to find coverings for a King sized bed. When I asked a sales associate why I was told "We don't carry King anymore, only Cal King". YOU WHAT?

Of course I thought this was just one store. "Oh now, it's company wide." Fine, I'll go look elsewhere for my covers. So the next major store chain we tried brought the exact same results.

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, someone decided to phase out King sized covers from department stores and now all you can find are Cal Kings. Quite perturbing when you own a King sized bed. Because I live in California I can't have a regular King?

I'm beginning to wonder if this is only a California problem or if it is happening elsewhere in the world. One of the stores I tried was Sears (believe it or not). And on our way out the door we passed the matress section, where oddly, they offered only King sized matresses (not a Cal King in sight).

I must be in the twilight zone. Oh wait, I'm in California, which is just as bad.

A DYING BREED!

I have had the privilege of working with some very talented men in my life. Self motivated hard working men who learned through the school of hard knocks and as such can do most anything at some level. Most of these men are older and on the verge of retirement.

Now for the sad part. The torch isn't being passed. Instead the flame of knowledge is burning out as these men take their knowledge and talent with them to retirement or to the grave. I've asked why they haven't shared their knowledge with the younger generation. Almost all of them give the same answer. "No one wants to learn. It takes time to learn what I have to teach and your generation wants the quick fix answer".

In the age of "Instant Gratification" we have lost the patience of dedication in search of skill and knowledge. We have taken away the school of hard knocks and now just look for specialized talent or contracted work. We pay someone else to do our work and then wonder why "our" team has no talent. We fail to train our men, and then complain when they know nothing.

I fear shortly I will be left in a world of ignorance. I fear the knowledge pool will be gone before I have finished drinking from it. The gap will be huge and the shoes left empty impossible to fill.

Am I prepared for this up and coming loss due to retirement? I don't think anybody is. This is going to be a hard decade for technological fields. Those of us left in the coming knowledge vacuum will have to step up. We will need to be motivated and dedicated to learning what we failed to learn while the Wisdom was still readily available. Are there enough of my generation with the drive to meet the task? So far the answer seems to be no.

So what can I do? Hmmm, lead by example, dedicate my own life to salvaging the outgoing wisdom and keep my team of workers motivated in the search of deeper knowledge and understanding.

Comedians

"Black kids are magicians, they make their fathers disappear!"

Did he just say that? *blinks* He did just say that.

Actually I didn't. The black comedian I watching at 1am did. Not sure why I'm up at 1am, but I am. Now I don't know about you, but that line had me rolling. (it's probably funnier when delivered by someone other than me)

"the average white man gets pulled over and he's thinking, 'I hope I don't get a ticket'. I get pulled over and I'm thinking, 'I hope nobody who looks like me did something'."

I love great comedians, but I think black comedians have an unfair advantage. They are allowed to throw out the borderline if not blatant racist jokes that would get anyone else blacklisted. Labelled a bigot.

Guess that's just part of living in our politically correct world.

Ok, one more joke. Read it slowly with an Irish accent.

"This jokes about an Irishman working in England. As you know there's alot of Irishman working in England. They go over there and help em to build the skyscrapers, the highways, the supermarkets, the hotels. And then they go back a couple of years later and blow them all up... and then they go back and build them again.. and than they go and blow them all up.. and then they go back and build them again. And the English haven't caught on yet. They think it's political. It's not. It's Job Security!"

and on that note, I'm off to bed.

Living for Posterity

I've lived my life in survival mode. Always living to get through the day, but rarely looking to future.

In my defense, I am a dreamer, as my wife likes to remind me. I've spent many an hour dreaming of possible futures, possible business ventures, possible realities.

So where has a life of dreams and survival gotten me? As the song goes, "Another day older and deeper in debt". This would be acceptable to me if it was just me. But it's me, my wife and my three kids. Poverty, sofa hopping, dreaming without pursuing of dreams, living on whims, seizing the day without care or worry of tomorrow; all a me I can no longer be. The future matters. It's something to plan and prepare for. To strive for. Survival worked when I was a bachelor but it has become a burden as a family man.

Today PP gave a sermon on planning for the future. Part of Israel's failure before God was her failure to look ahead. It had me thinking about other Bible passages. God says we are to build an inheritance for our grandchildren (and I would say for our great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren). This being both a spiritual inheritance and a physical inheritance. The blessings God gives to me and my wife are supposed to be carried on to my posterity. This means I have to do more than survive, I have to excel. I have to get out of debt, and learn how to wisely invest my money to create an empire for me and my family. I need to teach my children the lessons I've learned; about God; about debt; about family; about all of the knowledge God has given me. If I don't pass what I have learned through the school of hard knocks onto my children, than I am failing them.

I sat thinking about what my parents and grandparents left me. My grandfather had a stronger work ethic than anyone I've ever known. This man came to America with nothing and died with 7 homes paid for in cash and a small fortune in the bank all earned through hard work at normal everyday jobs. He left it all to his wife and kids when he died. My grandmother, being a product of the great depression, was the most frugal person I ever knew and she certainly didn't waste it. But their children did and all that my grandfather worked for in his life vanished in less than a decade. See, my grandparents were two very talented people, and some of that they passed on to their children, but they failed to pass on their financial knowledge, and they failed to pass on any real spiritual knowledge. The net result is they left their children bankrupt (financially and spiritually).

So my father had little to pass on to me (my mother had even less). What little they had, not even that was passed on to me. It's as if I grew up in a vacuum. Survival is all I've ever known.

So now what? Now I learn the hard way. Now I move forward. Now I pass on to my posterity what I have had to teach myself. Now I live for the future, not just my future (that's the least of my worries), but my childrens future, my grand-childrens future. It is they who will see the greatest rewards of my labor.

I've learned late in life lessons which could have benefitted me greatly when I was younger. Now I'm digging myself out of a hole of my own creation. Maybe my children's hole won't be so deep if I can teach them rightly in their youth. And maybe my grand-children's hole will be even shallower.

My wife and I are both 1st generation Christians. We are bound to make many mistakes. But I think we are headed on the right path and I am confident my posterity will be blessed because of it. Maybe the Lord will let me live long enough to see the benifits of my labor proclaimed through my grand-children and great-grand-children.

I thought I was so wise when I was a teenager. Am I going to look back at me today and say, "what a young fool you were"?

CrossRoads

It seems God has a way of keeping me on my toes. My world has been turned upside down all at once. Today I sit at the crossroads of my life with a slur of beginnings and endings wondering what tomorrow will be like.

May 13th at 10:16am Jahaira Lynne O'Brien was born. 8lbs 10oz 20.5 inches. My first new beginning. I've been a Dad for quite some time now. First to my stepson, then to my firstborn son and now a baby girl. I was surprised at the different feelings I developed. I've always heard the phrase "Daddy's Girl" but never understood it until now. Not that I don't love my son's, but I'm not very protective of them. I expect them to figure it out and experience the school of hard knocks. Yet I already feel myself being very protective of Jahaira. I'm thinking at this point, I'm going to have to count on Mom and bro's to teach her the school of hard knocks, cuz Daddy wants to build a wall (Pink Floyd anyone).

My first ending is also my second beginning. End of unemployment and the beginning of a new job. Quite frankly I was enjoying unemployment. Not waking up to an alarm clock, spending time with the wife and kids. My new employer has expressed very high expectations. Me being me, I'm of course questioning if I can meet them, when in reality, I'll set my mind to whatever task needs to be done and it will get done. I love the challenge, yet always question my ability to meet the goal. I make the least sense when dealing with me. Tomorrow is the day. It's a good job. Better pay, full benefits, plus 401k match. 2 weeks vacation starting and a boss who doesn't want to be my boss, but instead just expects me to perform so he doesn't have to worry about it. My kind of job so far. It's swing shift, that will take some getting used to, but it should be bearable. At least it's not graveyard.

Next at the crossroads is an ending. My good friend WJS graduated from Law School. He's been my best friend (before I met and married my wife of course) since I was a teenager. He was blessed to marry his High School Sweetheart. And he's been struggling through school for many years, while handling marriage and children (2 boys so far). Today, 2 days after his graduation, he is on his way to Texas. This is to be his new home. I must say his graduation has been a bitter sweet event. I will greatly miss my friend and his family. At the same time I'm thrilled for him and his family. I'm certainly glad he could escape the cesspool of Los Angeles. So farewell my friend. Keep fulfilling those dreams.

Today also marked the beginning of a month long visit from my mother-in-law. I'm hoping it turns out to be a blessing of grandmotherly assistance, yet fear it will be a battle of wills between mom and daughter.

So I now move forward through the crossroads into a new world trusting that God knows what he is doing. May God give me the wisdom to raise my daughter up right, the fortitude and guidance to succeed in my new career, and comfort in knowing that WJS and family have moved on to a better place.